Page 279 of Hide and Keep

Her heart feels like what a hummingbird’s wings look like when it’s flying. So fast it’s a blur of activity.

Shit. Could she die from this? That’s how it feels for me and I’m not even experiencing it. I’m only observing.

“Fucking breathe, butterfly,” I beg. “Just like this. In… Out… In… Out…” My own breathwork becomes jagged and shallow as I talk her through it. “In… Out…”

Her breathing starts to slow but her heartbeat doesn’t.

On a growl, I tell her, “Don’t you dare die on me or I swear to God I’ll kill you myself.”

Beneath my hand, her chest shakes with a bout of laughter. It doesn’t reach her eyes though. Those are stubbornly wild and unsure.

It’s her mind. I gotta get it off this…attack. She’s being internally attacked by something.

“What’s your favorite thing to draw?” I ask her.

“You.”

I shake away the smile trying to take shape. Now is not the time for ego.

“What do you like about drawing me?”

“Everything.”

Okay. Let’s try again.

“What’s your favorite memory?”

“Hide and Keep.”

“What did you like about it?”

“Everything.”

For fuck’s sake.

“You gotta give me more than that. What did you like most about it?”

“Your back.”

“My back? What about my back did you like?”

“I pressed my face to it and everything fell away. It was like you were my personal security blanket, blocking me from anything bad in the world.”

The more she speaks, the slower her heart rate becomes.

“That’s it. Good girl,” I praise.

“I had never felt so safe before. You make me feel safe.” She sobs.

“You are safe with me,” I promise. “You’re mine to take care of, mine to spoil, mine to keep safe. I won’t let anything happen to you. I love you. I love you so much I need you to breathe. I need you alive. I needyou.”

All at once her body sags against mine.

I pepper her wet face with kisses, noting how swollen that left cheek is…and still choosing to ignore it.

“What was that?” I ask her.

“A long time coming.”

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