Page 288 of Hide and Keep

“How about this one?” Crue asks, rotating the laptop in my direction.

“Retail associate?”

“Selling clothes. You love clothes.”

Do I? I know a lot about clothes, but I don’t know if I love them. I’m not passionate about them, that’s for sure. I’ve had to pretend to be, for the clones, and for…everybody. But I haven’t felt like doing that for a while. I don’t think I ever want to do it again.

“What happened to the cheer coach idea?”

“I looked into it a little bit. You need experience for that.”

“I cheered all my life.”

“Coaching experience. Plus, it helps to have some kind of degree.”

Well, shit. Every plan from last night has already bombed and it’s only ten o’clock in the morning.

“Retail associate, it is,” I say with a sigh, taking the laptop from him.

Literally after the first question of Name, I freeze up. What address do I put? I’ve only ever had one, but the manor’s no longer my home.

I can’t put Crue’s. I was only invited to stay here for the night, not move in permanently.

I don’t have a home.

After sitting with that fact for a moment, I scan the rest of the form.

This job wants to know my experience, too. I don’t have that. I don’t have personal references either. I don’t have any of this. I don’t even have a car.

Even if by some miracle someone takes pity on me and hires me, how am I supposed to get there?

I check the store’s location. Too far away to walk to.

I squint my suddenly swimming eyes at the screen, but it doesn’t help make it any clearer.

“All I know is my name and social security number,” I admit.

“You can just put that…”

I type in the nine numbers.

“…and I’ll help you with the rest.”

He’s going to put down his address and he’s going to offer to drive me to work and I’m going to become another excuse keeping him from living out his dream.

Just as the first tear falls, I announce, “I have to go to the bathroom,” then shove the laptop at Crue before rushing to the back of the house.

What we’ve been living isn’t reality. We can’t just stay cooped up in a single room all day, every day. This is the real world now and I have to be an active part of it. I can’t rely on other people anymore. I don’t want to. I want to work. I want to support myself, not be a burden, especially not to Crue. Or his family.

But how? I’m broke. I’m homeless. I’m jobless. I’m friendless. I’m…

My father’s words echo in my head.

“Because this is all you’re good for.”

“…this is all you’re good for.”

“…all you’re good for.”

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