Page 5 of Night Blind

“Aunt Helen,” Slow corrected.

“Aunt Helen, good night,” Naomi parroted, waving small fingers at her Aunt. “Should we watch her get home, Daddy?”

“She’s fine, Naomi.”

“No, she’s not,” the child said. “She lives all alone in that big house. And why did she have to get a new name? I liked the old one. I don’t like the name Helen.”

“Helen is her new name to go with her new life,” Slow gently explained. “When I married your Mom, she got a new name. Her name is now Abigail Barnes Neary.”

“Are you going to marry Aunt Nita…I mean Aunt Helen too, to make her a Neary as well?”

“The state of Kentucky will not let me do that unless she is my cousin,” he said, laughing at his own joke.

“I like living inKe-lucky,” she said softly, snuggling into his chest. He wouldn’t correct her because he knew something else was coming from her tiny little mouth which would make him uncomfortable for the rest of his manly life. “Mommy is always sad when she comes back from work. You didn’t kiss her or tell her you loved her before she left. What if she doesn’t come back this time? How will she know you love her, Daddy?”

“Naomi, how do you know that I love you?”

She looked up at him, her eyes bright and dancing. The smile came slowly as she looked him in the eyes she’d inheritedfrom her father. Her small hand touched his cheek as she showed off her tiny teeth, one of which he noticed was loose.

“I know you love me when you look at me like you are now. I feel it inside my tummy. Not the funny feeling I get when I have to poop and my tummy feels icky, but a squishy feeling, like butterflies and fireflies are inside my belly, Daddy. That’s how I know you love me,” she said, leaning up to kiss his cheek.

“Your Mom gets a similar feeling when I look at her, and she also knows that I love her and will be waiting for her to come home to us,” he said.

“Daddy?”

“Yes, Bunny?” he replied, using the codename he’d given her based on the ears poking out of the side of her head. She’d earned those ears from her mother.

“How will Aunt Nita…I mean Aunt Helen know you love her? You don’t look at her that way. I watched you tonight at dinner. You don’t look at her like that, but you love her too?”

“I love Aunt Helen like I love your Aunt Rebecca,” he said, hoping to bring an end to the conversation.

“Aunt Rebecca smells funny,” she said, nodding her head. “Aunt Helen is Mommy’s Sister. Aunt Rebecca is your sister. Are you and Mommy going to make me a sister or a brother? It would be nice if you gave Mommy a baby. I think it would be nice if you gave Aunt Helen a baby too, so she would have her own child and wouldn’t need to live alone, but I don’t think she can have babies, Daddy.”

His ears were alert, learning information that would be critical in training a new Technician. He wanted to know what his daughter had learned just by observation. She was an astute child who picked up on small details most kids wouldn’t pay much attention to on a normal day.

“How do you know she can’t have babies, Bunny?”

“In the bathroom under the sink, she never had any panty napkins like my Mommy,” Naomi stated. “When Aunt…I’m just going to call her Auntie; the Helen…Nita thing confuses me. Wait, what was I saying? Okay, I remember; when Auntie buys panty napkins for Mommy from the store, she never buys any for herself. Daddy, when I become a woman, am I going to need to wear panty napkins? I don’t think I’d like that very much.”

“Good grief,” he said, blowing out the loud whoosh of air he didn’t realize he’d been holding.

“Mommy said when she no longer needed to buy napkins to put in her panties, it would mean she was going to have a baby. I asked if Auntie was going to have a baby since she didn’t need any napkins for her panties, and Mommy said no. She said Auntie couldn’t have babies, and it made me sad,” she told him.

Slow had nothing to say on the matter. He held his words out of sheer fear of what his daughter would say next. Growing up with a sister, he’d learned a lot of things about girls becoming women, and dating in high school and college he’d learned even more. However, nothing in his life had prepared him to be a Girl Dad, and his daughter was slowly traumatizing him on a cellular level.

“Daddy, did you know that panty napkins are to soak up the blood that comes out of Mommy’s vagina? I hope my vagina doesn’t bleed like that. I won’t like that either,” she told him.

“I have died and gone to Dad Hell, and my soul is still sitting here crying out for help,” he said under his breath. “Bunny, can we please finish the story?”

“Sure Daddy, but if I have stuff that starts coming out of my vagina, I will tell you, okay?”

“Tell your mother or your aunts first, okay?”

“You don’t want to know, Daddy?”

“Sweetheart, these conversations should be had…,” Slow stopped himself. “You can feel free to talk to me about anything on your mind, Bunny. Daddy will listen.”

“You are the best Daddy ever!”

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