Page 18 of Bride By Initiation

She puts her hand on her hip. "There's a reason you're asking this, and I want to know what it is."

"I don't know why. I just need to know," I insist.

She steps forward and puts her hand on my cheek. "Sean, if you're getting yourself involved in something that your father was involved in, then I need you to tell me."

I study her. "If you don't know anything, why do you seem so worried?"

"I don't know anything about whatever it is you're seeking answers to. If I did, I promise I would tell you, but I don't. That skull was just something your dad used to scribble on bar napkins, receipts, and any paper he had. I never thought anything of it besides the fact that he liked it. And I don't know why he branded it on himself, but your dad was unpredictable in lots of ways."

"Mom, if there was ever a time for you to think hard, it's now. I need to know what it represented."

Horror fills her expression. "Sean, I want to know what's going on."

"I don't know. That's why I'm asking you."

Her voice shakes when she says, "I don't know anything, but if you're getting involved in something your father was involved in, something that might've been the reason he was murdered, please, I'm begging you, don't."

I take her hand and pull it off me. "Is this like how you never told us why you kept us from our family for so long?"

She squeezes her eyes shut. "Sean, please, let's not open old wounds. I told you that I was threatened and had no choice. Your uncles confirmed that I had no choice. I thought I was forgiven and we were past this."

Guilt hits me. Something horrible happened to my mom when Dad was murdered. I've never found out the truth, but she's begged me to let it be, and my uncles also asked me to leave it alone. I know she feels guilty for keeping my sister and me from the O'Malleys for years, but she did what she had to do to protect us. So I reply, "I have forgiven you, but now I need to know why Dad had that brand, and I need you to tell me why."

"I don't know!" she shouts, tossing her hands in the air.

I step back.

She closes her eyes and softens her voice. When she opens them, they're full of tears. "Sean, I'm telling you, I don't know. I never thought anything of it. Honestly. I just thought it was a design your father loved. But please, tell me why you're asking about it."

I realize she's telling the truth, and I don't want to scare her, so I sigh and create a lie. "I don't know. For some reason, I thought about it today. Then, I thought about how he added color and shading over the years. It struck me as odd, like there has to be some meaning behind it."

"It was just a piece of artwork he was obsessed over. Nothing more." She blinks hard, looking defeated.

Guilt hits me. I know she loves Dante with all her heart, but she'll always love my father too. Losing him will always sting her. And I reopened that wound tonight.

She sadly states, "Sometimes we want something to have a reason behind it but there isn't one. I'm sorry that skull has been haunting you all day, but I can assure you it was just an image your dad liked and decided to put on his body, just like the art you tattooed on your arm sleeve. Really, it was nothing more."

Out of respect for my mom, and feeling remorseful that I brought up my dad while we're at a party, I step forward and hug her, offering, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bothered you with this."

She looks up, begging, "Sean, please promise me, if there's a different reason you're asking me this?—"

"No, there's not," I interject.

She stares at me.

I continue to fib. "Honestly, Mom, I just had some flashbacks of the skull on his hand. I've never thought about it before today. I forgot he had it, and it's just... You know how I get when I block stuff out and then it comes rushing back."

A tear falls and she wipes it from under her eye. "Yes, I know."

"I'm sorry I bugged you with this, especially tonight."

"It's okay. We all have our moments."

I hug her again. "Thanks. I'll let you get back to the party, okay?"

She nods.

I guide her back to the table and then make small talk. Dante and Finn pin questioning stares on me, so I make my exit after a few minutes and get back into my SUV.

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