Page 7 of The Darkness Within Us

“Then play what you do have. Did I not just raise all your wages? Or are you afraid that I’ll take all your money?”

I don’t win a single game that night, but I demand a rematch for the next.

Kyros and Nico join me for picnics on the lawns when the sun is out, where the little boy will pick wildflowers for me, and Kyros and I will talk about everything and nothing. Nico shows me his favorite trees to climb, and I show him which fruits are ripe for picking—as well as which poisonous plants to stay away from. Sometimes, I teach the boy lessons at the piano, which I’ve always been fond of playing. I spared no expense in upgrading the fine instrument.

“You spoil him,” Kyros dares to suggest a few weeks into my new dowagerhood.

“Giving a child music is not spoiling. Besides, I like spending time with him.”

A large cloud streaks across the sun, dampening the rich verdancy of the trees and surrounding lawns. Kyros leans back on two hands atop our picnic blanket.

“And is that how you imagined spending your time as a dowager? Teaching a servant’s child to play piano?”

“I certainly imagined a lot less complaining from the child’s father.”

Kyros crooks a grin. “In earnest, though, are you happy?”

“Happier than I ever remember being.”

“You don’t leave the estate often. I thought you’d want to be awaywith people of your own station. Or inviting them over at the very least. Instead, you spend your days baking with Cook, playing cards with the footmen, and teaching Nico the piano.”

“That’s hardly all. I’ve just formed a book club with Damasus, Karla, and Tekla. We’re exchanging novels before meeting up to discuss them.”

Kyros laughs. “A duchess who discusses books with her butler and maids.”

“Laugh all you want, but I am right where I want to be. My father forced me to attend every social function, primp and preen at every ball, tolerate the presence of every foul man. Now I spend my days with who I wish when I wish. My servants are the finest individuals I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. I don’t need to seek out the false flattery of noblewomen or the unwanted attention of gentlemen. I read when I wish. I’m out in nature when I wish. I enjoy the company of my horse, a four-year-old boy, and yes, my butler, in addition to everyone else on this estate. It is perfection, and what can be improved, I’m already well on my way to renovating. Now, will you stop scolding me and let me enjoy my hard-earned comforts?”

“Of course, Your Grace.”

Kyros’s warm smile matches mine, and I recline onto the soft cotton of the checkered blanket. There is a feeling of levity in my chest, and it takes me some time to place it.

This is what it feels like to be happy, I realize.

Speaking my thoughts and having someone else care to listen. No men trying to boss me about or control me. Doing activities I actually enjoy. Being myself around people who care.

This. All of this was worth every hardship I suffered since my mother died.

I am untouchable, and it feels so good I could almost fly.

WHENILEAVE THE ESTATE,it is a different matter entirely.

I’m required to wear black in public as a symbol of my grief. Over a month after the duke’s death, I don an ebony dress with a simple hoop skirt and a tight bodice. Long sleeves. No veil. The whole thing looks depressing, yet it’s what I must be seen in while I run my errands. Just ten and a half more months and I can do away with this charade, too.

I’m in the chandlers’, selecting new candles for the dining room, with a row of footmen behind me to assist with my purchases, when someone approaches me from the side.

“Your Grace?”

I turn to find Lady Evadne Petrakis, daughter of a marquis, doing some shopping of her own. We run in the same social circles, so naturally we’ve met countless times, but I wouldn’t call her a friend. She’s more like a frequent acquaintance. Not that it’s easy to call anyone a friend when I have hidden my true self from the world for seven years.

“Lady Petrakis, how are you?”

“I’m wonderful! And you? You must be so proud of your sister. Marrying the king!”

I force a smile to my lips. “The king was bound to pick someone eventually. What of you? Has anything of note happened in my absence from events? I’ve missed out on so much gossip since my wedding.”

“A few betrothal announcements, but nothing else of note. Nothing scandalous ever happens now with all the future queen’s new edicts.”

“Edicts?” Alessandra is making laws? Her?

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