Page 92 of The Darkness Within Us

Fine, he wants me to play dirtier. I can do that. “I don’t actually care about helping you. I only don’t want you to embarrass me because our names are tied together. If you go down, then I do, too.”

His eyes fly open. A hand reaches behind him to adjust the back of his pants, which tells me his tail has sprouted and he needs more room.

“Focus!” I shout at him. “How hard is it to do one simple thing, Eryx? Just don’t be a monster. Be what you need to be to find your peace.”

His mouth snaps at me, stopping just shy of my neck. An audibleclicksounds from where he stopped himself at the last second.

“I told you this would be dangerous,” he says on a growl.

“And I told you I’m not scared of you. Control yourself. How do you expect to run a dukedom when you can’t even keep your eyes brown? Will you kill all our tenants when you inevitably reveal yourself to them?” I hurl the accusations at him, unsure if they’re meant to convince him or me of his faults. “The first woman who pushes you too far, begging for a dance at the next party—will she meet your wrath? How many innocent lives will you take so that you can keep your secret?”

“Apparently, all of them except yours.”

In the seconds it takes me to parse that out, Eryx finally catches himself. He shifts back to a perfectly normal, albeit far too handsome for his own good, man. We should feel accomplished. He did it. Yet I feel as miserable as he looks.

“We’re not doing this again,” he says.

I stare at his back as he leaves.

CHAPTER 19

Well, it could have gone worse, I suppose.

Eryx could have killed me. He could have not sat down with me to begin with. I could have never found his list of names.

But we’re finally getting somewhere. And I know something of his plans. I just need more proof.

And I need to convince the fake duke to have another go-around. He needs to open up more. To feel safe. To let me in the way he has both Argus and Dyson. Never mind that making him miserable made me feel miserable. This is what’s best for me.

But now he’s not talking to me.

“Eryx,” I call out as he’s leaving the study the next day.

“No,” he says before disappearing down the hallway.

Argus steps in front of me when I try to follow.

At dinner, he has his “valets” sit beside him, not bothering with pretenses any longer. The three of them chat like the best friends they are while they pointedly ignore me.

Dyson shares some story about when his childhood friend growing up broke his nose. “He only found out the next day ithad been all a misunderstanding. I didn’t actually kiss Calandra Karahalios.”

Argus and Eryx burst into laughter, the first man slapping the table. I narrow my eyes at the gesture, but not one of the three men pays me a lick of attention.

There’s an enormous surge in my bank account, despite everything. Eryx regularly deposits large sums. I don’t know if he thinks he’s buying my silence or paying me to stay away from him. Regardless, we’ve come to no formal agreement, so I’ve no intention of doing either.

About a week later, a letter arrives to distract my efforts. My sister actually sent me a response. I hold it between my fingers for several minutes before finally opening it.

Dear Chrysantha (no honorifics are necessary in our letters),

I hate reading. I can’t think of anything more dull, but I’m glad you have something to do in the countryside. I suppose it’s unsurprising that life at court holds no more excitement for you. You were able to spend all the days of your youth attending parties and balls and other functions, while I was forced to stay at home and hear about them after the fact.

I was sick of being ignored by everyone simply because I was the second daughter. There are some real words for you. I don’t think our childhoods could have been any other way when society was made for you while hindering me.

There’s a little scratch on the parchment, as though she wasn’t quite sure what to say next, before adding,

I’ve spent so long resenting you. A lot of things were out of your control, but some were within your control. You could be so cruel with your words. The only way to protect myself was to cease caring about you at all.

I’ve taken some time to consider it, and I’ve decided to stop resenting you. I am glad my life turned out the way it did. I became who I am because of you. You, Father, Hektor—you all played a part in shaping me. I turned into not only an excellent queen but also a woman who goes after what she wants by any means necessary.

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