Page 101 of Vengeance of the Pirate Queen

He doesn’t move any closer to the tents, and I don’t leave my seat by the fire. His breath fogs into the air, while mine remains invisible. I’m glad for it. He can’t tell just how much faster I’m breathing.

Youcan’tbeafraidofthedarkwhenyou’rethemonsterlurkingintheshadows.

I am no such thing right now. Not with him. Not for some time.

And I don’t know why or what that means.

“You’ve thought yourself a poor captain for this journey,” Kearan says, pulling me from my thoughts. “Let me point out that time and time again, you’ve put the crew before yourself. Even me. You’ve put me above you when you never should have. Do you still think of everything that’s happened as your failings? Is that why you are out here alone?”

I cannot speak for a moment. “That is what you think I’m stuck on? My failings as a captain? Kearan, there is no doubt in my mind that another captain could have done a better job, but that is not what keeps me up at night.”

“Then what is it? What troubles can I ease?”

My heart picks up like it does before I’m about to make the kill. Only this time, that is not what is happening.

I do not fear this man in the usual way. I do not fear his height or his bearing. I do not fear his mind or his words. It is his heart that terrifies me, and the few times that I have been afraid of something, it has always been remedied with some quick knifework so it can trouble me no more.

But blades are not the only way to kill something. Sharp words can make feelings die.

“What you said to me yesterday,” I say, keeping my face neutral. I am in control of this conversation. It will not go anywhere that I do not allow, and I am sick of fearing it.

“Mmmm” is the only response he makes.

“Well?” I demand.

“What?” he asks, exasperation tingeing his tone.

I lower my voice again. “You said you would never lie to me. You said you didn’t want anything between us. You said that by agreeing to Threydan’s terms, youwouldbe lying. All three can’t be true.”

“Can’t they?”

At that, my look turns chilling. “Kearan Erroth, stop talking in questions and speak plainly.”

“What’s the point of that? No good will come of it.”

“The point is that I cannot make sense of you, and I want to understand what you meant.”

“No, you don’t.”

My hand goes for a knife. I pull it from a sheath in my boot and twirl it between my fingers. I need a means to occupy myself. And perhaps he’ll be more forthcoming if I have something sharp in my hands.

“You don’t want the truth, Sorinda,” he continues, moving closer so I can hear his lowered words. “You want what will make you feel in control. Believing I want nothing from you makes you feel in control. Unthreatened. It doesn’t force you to make decisions or think about me the way I want you to think about me. You want what’s easy. You need it. Because what you’re doing, all these external pressures of being stranded in a foreign land and looking after so many individuals—these trials would be difficult for anyone. You don’t need my feelings and thoughts making things harder. Besides, if I showed you exactly how much I want you, you would only distance yourself further from me. This way, I could help. This way, I could be your sailing master for the voyage. Your confidant. Your friend. I couldn’t have become any of those things if you thought I wanted even more.”

My knuckles turn white on the knife. “So you did lie to me.”

“I said I didn’t want anything from you. And that’s true. I don’t want just anything. Sorinda, I wanteverythingwith you.”

My gaze leaves the knife I’m holding and latches on to his face.

Everything? “What does that entail?”

“Does it matter?” he asks. He looks furious.

“If it didn’t, I wouldn’t ask.”

“Fine. Everything entails trust, honesty, friendship, love. A lifetime of all of it.”

“Oh, is that all?” I ask to be difficult. My fury rises to match his, but I refuse to raise my voice. Not when his life still hangs in the balance.

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