Page 10 of Twisted Mates

Love you too.

Tossing my phone on top of my discarded clothes, I take all my toiletries out of my bag and get under the spray of water. At least Kai has a good shower. This thing is huge with the best water pressure I’ve ever seen.

I lean my head back under the stream and let the hot water wash away my stress. I wash and condition my hair, wash my face, exfoliate my whole body, shave my legs, and use moisturizing body wash before getting out and looking at myself in the mirror.

It feels like I just did all that for some reason, like I think it’s a big deal I’m sleeping in the same bed as Kai tonight. I don’t. It’s not like anything is going to happen. I don’t think he wants that. I don’t know if he will ever want it if I’m being honest. I don’t know for sure ifIreally want it. But I’m supposed to, aren’t I?

Hanging my towel on the rack, I brush my teeth and gather my clothes, making sure I don’t leave a mess. I might be a little sloppy at my own house, but I’ll be damned if I disappoint my mother and leave stuff everywhere at someone else’s. After applying lotion, I put on my silk pajama set, wishing I’d brought something a little less revealing. But it’s too late now, so I step back into the bedroom and put my clothes into my bag.

“Hey, I’m done. You might want to give it a few because I think I used all the hot water,” I say sheepishly, pulling my long, damp hair over my shoulder and combing my fingers through it.

Kai remains fixated with something on his desk, a piece of paper or a picture maybe. I fight the urge to walk behind him and see what it is. One day I hope there won’t be any secrets between us, that we will know the other just as well as we know ourselves. Today isn’t that day. It’s not even the true starting point I don’t think.

He shuffles everything around and looks up at me. “No worries. I can wait until the morning. Do you need anything else?”

“No,” I say just above a whisper.

He slides into the bathroom, and I take my time rearranging the blankets on the bed. There is more than enough room on the mattress for us both, but I can’t help but feel that it’s toosmall. We could easily brush against each other or roll onto the other’s side of the bed. Never have I felt the possibility of being so crowded by one person.

The door opens across the room and Kai walks out wearing a threadbare T-shirt and baggy plaid pajama pants. He rakes his hands through his hair and stares at the bed. “Do you have a side you prefer?”

I chew on my bottom lip and lift my shoulders in a shrug. “No. I’m not really used to sleeping with other people. I’m usually a starfish... just kind of...”

And I really don’t know why I do it. As if he couldn’t picture it in his head. I really don’thaveto give him a demonstration of what I mean by that, but that doesn’t stop me from face planting into the center of the bed and spreading my arms and legs wide.

Like a damn starfish.

I turn my head, resting my cheek on the pillow so I can see him. “Ya know... kind of in the middle.”

He presses his fist to his mouth to hide his smile. “I can see where this would make it difficult to have a bed partner. Maybe you can go for more of a capital E position tonight.”

I lift an eyebrow in question, and he motions for me to scoot over. Kai lays on his side close to the edge and stretches his arms and one leg toward the center of the bed. “It’s more of a space-saving position.”

I snort and kick him gently with my foot. “You’re a dork.”

My movement catches him off guard and he loses his balance, pitching backward and nearly falling to the floor. “Shit,” he yelps, laughing as he grabs me in an attempt to stay on the bed.

“Oh no, sorry!” I gasp between laughs, seizing his outstretched arms and pulling him back in toward the center of the mattress.

Closer to me than we probably intended.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to almost knock you in the floor,” I say, trying to get myself together, letting go of his arms and scooting away a bit to give him space.

“No worries.” He flops onto his back and clasps his hands over his stomach.

I follow suit and we lie side by side staring up at the ceiling. It’s awkward, the silence that spreads between us. I can’t recall a time when we have ever sat quietly without something to truly hold our attention.

“Do you want me to turn off the light?” he asks, his tone gentle like he is talking to a skittish animal.

“Sure.” I pull the blankets to my chest as the room goes dark. The mattress gives as Kai slips in beside me.

I’m unsure how much time passes. Neither of us seem to move; we hardly seem to be breathing. I might as well be in a room filled with venomous snakes. It’s like we are both terrified of being struck, and maybe we are. This changes everything. In all the years we’ve known one another, our dynamic has never been like this. Neither of us felt a strong desire to change our friendship. But fate had other plans for us.

After hours of laying perfectly still, I catch the deep, slow inhale and exhale of Kai’s breathing. I inch toward the edge of the bed and ease out of it, snatching a pair of sweatpants from my bag and slipping into them, pulling my hoodie from yesterday over my satin cami. It’s not until I’m in the hallway and the door clicks shut behind me that I release a relieved sigh. I tiptoe my way downstairs and into the kitchen where the digital display on the microwave tells me it’s almost five in the morning. There’s no use in trying to calm myself. The best thing I can do is accept that I’m getting no sleep and jumpstart my body for the day ahead.

I brew a cup of coffee and dilute it with a ton of creamer and sugar. With the blanket from the couch in the living roomwrapped around me, I take my steaming mug and sneak out onto the back porch. A swing with earthtone pillows and a great view of the eastern sky beckons me to it. I give myself a little push and curl into a ball to sip my coffee.

My thoughts are going a million miles a minute. Which is nothing new. There is very little in life that can grab my undivided attention. And this new scenario with Kai has me pondering way too many questions. I feel like everything is buzzing inside my head, one thought bouncing to the next, and I’m unable to fully concentrate on anything.

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