Page 34 of Pining for Pierce

I spent a lot of it thinking about what could have happened with Kaiden. Of course, I realize that was silly of me. After all, there’s no point in worrying about something that hasn’t happened. But I couldn’t help it. If it hadn’t been for Pierce, I honestly don’t know what I would have done, and it felt like I’d come too close to finding out.

Thinking of Pierce led to me reliving that scene outside the house. In many ways, that ought to have been like a dream come true. He spent most of it with his arm around me, holding me close to him. It’s all a bit of a daze, but I think I even leaned my head on his shoulder at one point, desperate to feel safe after everything that had happened… or nearly happened. But the problem is, he didn’t mean it in the way I wanted. He was just being kind, because he knew how upset I was. I can see that now, not just in his actions, but in his words. He may have said I was worth waiting for, but he wasn’t talking about us, was he? I thought he might have been to start with, but then Iremembered… there is no us. He’s with Monica now. She’s ‘the one’. And no matter how much I want things to be different, they’re not. We’re friends, and that’s it. That’s all he wants from me.

After he rode away, I came inside, and almost immediately, I wished I’d taken him up on his offer to stay. He meant it as a friend, not a lover, though… which was why I declined. I wanted more, and I also wanted to prove to myself that I’m strong enough to do this without him. After all, there’s no way Pierce would want to stay with me all the time, and that means I have to cope. Except the house has been making noises all night. They’re noises it probably makes every other night. But last night I noticed every creak and rattle, and they all made me jump out of my skin, even though I knew the place was completely secure.

Did I think about calling him and asking him to come back? Of course. But I didn’t do it, because I have to stand on my own two feet… not rely on someone who’s got a life of his own.

Which is why I need to get up and get on with my day.

My head feels a little light as I stand, but I take a breath and make my way to the bathroom, holding on to the wall while I shower. This is only lack of sleep… I know that. But I still feel dreadful, and don’t take too long, stepping out and wrapping myself in a towel before I head back to the bedroom, sitting on the edge of the mattress, while I contemplate what to wear. Jeans aren’t an option, unfortunately, but I can get away with a pair of gray pants and a white blouse. No-one can object to that, and once I’ve decided, I braid my hair, because I’m too tired to dry it.

Getting dressed seems to take much longer than usual, but I manage it eventually, and slip on some flat shoes. The thought of wearing heels today is just too much for me.

Coffee feels like a good idea, and I make my way downstairs, fixing a cup, and sitting at the island unit to drink it. My stomach is a little uneasy, so I skip breakfast, reasoning that I can go to the coffee shop a little later if my appetite returns. In any case, I’m running out of time, having done everything so slowly, and I finish my coffee before grabbing my keys and purse, and heading out the door.

I feel like an automaton, grateful the car seems to know the way from here to Hart’s Creek, and the roads are fairly empty today. Parking in my usual spot, though, I wish Pierce was here, like he was the other morning. I could use a hug… even if it is just from a friend.

There’s no sign of him, though. Why would there be?

Like I said, he’s got a life of his own, and I swallow down the lump in my throat that I’m not a part of that life, and lock my car, going into the office.

“There you are.”

I look up and see Doctor Singleton standing by my desk. He’s wearing his usual dark brown suit, although I can’t fail to notice that his tie is crooked, and his top button is undone, which is most unlike him. “I’m not late, am I?”

“No,” he says, glaring at me over the top of his metal rimmed reading glasses. “But I’ve been searching on the computer system for Mrs. Bradshaw’s notes, and they’re not there.”

“Mrs. Bradshaw’s?” I query, going around behind my desk and putting my purse away in the bottom drawer.

“Yes,” he snaps impatiently, raising his glasses and balancing them on his head. They disappear into his steel gray hair, but that’ll be a problem for later, when he can’t find them.

“Do you mean Laurel?” I ask.

“Of course I do. Although I think it would be more appropriate for you to refer to our patients by their last names, don’t you?”

“I suppose, but I thought she was Doctor Dodds’s patient.”

“She is, but he’s gone out to visit Miss Anderson. She had a fall and is refusing to go to hospital. The paramedics thought Doctor Dodds might be able to persuade her.” He shakes his head. “Naturally, he didn’t bring his car, so he’s had to walk. Heaven knows how long he’ll be.”

I have a vague memory of an elderly lady who’s been here a couple of times, and nod my head. “I see.”

“So?” he says, tapping his foot impatiently as I turn on my computer.

“I’m sure the notes are there, and up to date,” I say, sitting at my desk.

“I’m sure they’re not.”

He comes around behind me, looking over my shoulder as I click on the notes, going to the letter ‘H’.

“What are you doing?” he says. I glance up to see he’s pulled his reading glasses back down again, and is peering through them.

“I’m looking for Mrs. Hanson’s notes.”

“Mrs. Hanson?”

“Yes. Laurel Bradshaw married Brady Hanson back in December. She’s been Laurel Hanson ever since, and her notes have been re-filed under that name.”

He falls silent for a second and then says, “How was I supposed to know?”

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