Page 28 of Deadly Sights

The muscle in his jaw pulses with annoyance. “I was looking for you to let you know your breakfast is ready.”

Without saying a word, he picks up the books and places them where they belong until the room is as pristine as before I set foot inside. He turns his back on me, and it feels like he slams a door in my face.

“Are you mad at me?”

He hangs his head, but his body loses none of its stiffness. “I won’t answer that.”

I grab his arm and swing him around. “Who is Y?”

“You know who Y is.”

CHAPTER 14

THE GANG SHOWS UP

Nadira

You know who Y is.

Julian’s voice circles inside my head. Day after day, my concentration breaks whenever I hear him. I’m supposed to be planning the trap to catch whoever is after me, but all I want to do is read every letter in the room downstairs.

I’m Y.

I feel the truth of it resonate deep within my bones, but it still feels foreign to me. Yet, I haven’t reentered that room since peering into the pain filling Julian’s eyes. I’ve been Nadira for so long that I forgot the frustration-filled days when I struggled to remember who I was before Fostering Futures took me in, but the temptation to learn everything about my previous life grows with each passing day. And every time the urge becomes near unbearable, Julian’s face flashes before me.

That room and the letters were behind his initial refusal to house me. From his behavior ever since, he regrets succumbing to my demands. Despite the pristine state of his home, Julianspends every day cleaning and reorganizing every room in this forty-room mansion. It doesn’t matter if I’m in it or not. Julian cleans around me as if he doesn’t see me. He refuses to discuss anything about the books I discovered or why my reading them pushed him into this frenzy.

Even the implacable Alastair watches with concern, ensuring Julian winds up in bed when the exhaustion from nonstop cleaning catches up to him. And me? I watch as I hold Leaper close, both of us helpless and with no idea how to help him, only the knowledge that I caused of his distress.

After five days of tension from waiting for Julian to open up and discuss the significance of the letters or why they are all lovingly bound in leather, I plan my escape. Although confused because he insists upon being in my life but now can’t seem to look me in the eye, I also know my presence is a hindrance.

I wait until he and Alastair are busy reorganizing another part of the house. As I slip away, I overhear Alastair advising Julian his coping methods aren’t working and will prevent him from fulfilling the promises that have kept him going all his life.

I choke back an unexpected sob for his dilemma as I find my way off the property. Alone.

Although I wish I could bring Leaper along, my decision not to stems from a small hope her presence will do for Julian what she does for me whenever I’m struggling with something bigger than myself. Like the memories that keep visiting my dreams to tell me I don’t know who I am.

Also, other than my care, Leaper has never been more spoiled than in the hands of Julian and Alastair. I can leave her in safety while I try to rid myself of this helpless feeling inside.

Once free, I roam aimlessly. I don’t know what to do with myself, and my thoughts circle back to Julian and his relationship with Y… me. As much as I want to probe him for the missing history that seems more important the longer thesedreams plague me, I can’t seem to lock my emotions away long enough to approach the task.

I end up at my office. It’s a dumb move, considering I have no plan if the people Julian works for come after me. In my defense, the office is empty because today is Sunday, and I snuck in instead of walking through the front door.

Why my office? The question circulates in my head as I trail my fingers across the back of my chair. Well, I can’t risk going to my house since whoever’s after me probably knows where I live. My friends’ homes are equally off limits, although I have to operate under the assumption that Julian’s organization already knows about them. After all, if I were hired to take me out, I would have done enough surveillance to know every aspect of my personal life before making a move.

The familiarity of the cool leather against my fingertips remind me I have more than my friends to look out for. I plop onto my chair.

With the revelations in Spain, there’s only one thing I can do that will ensure my employees’ safety. After doing what I need here, I’ll dedicate the rest of my time to safeguard my friends.

I breathe in the comforting office scent as I draft a memo informing the company of my immediate leave of absence. Afterward, I compile the high-priority projects I’ve overseen to summarize and leave directions for my number two.

The task takes less time than expected. Probably because I’ve always known that I could disappear without a trace at any moment, and I’ve religiously updated my files and processes for others to take over. With that done, I try to distract myself with other loose ends that may crop up during my absence, but nothing holds my attention. Technically, I could have done everything remotely, but I dare not sign into the network out of the office in case it has been compromised and a hacker with more experience than mine could find me.

Even now, I’ve opened myself to the risk of being found, however, I have a personal artillery at my fingertips in hidden compartments all around my office.

As I contemplate ways to safeguard my friends, the need to help Julian overshadows everything I do and everywhere I look. His pained expression. His manic frenzy. Eventually, I lose the battle to focus on my friends and search for ways to help him navigate a situation I orchestrated. At least my plans for Chelsea, Moni, Danae, and Tamara have a workable outline, and pivoting to Julian won’t compromise their safety.

I exhale a long breath and stretch my neck from side to side, hearing the satisfying popping of stiff muscles. Once I’m ready, I open a browser window on my computer. I don’t know what I’m looking for but hope I’ll stumble upon something somewhere with advice to help me navigate this odd turn in my strange dance with Julian.

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