Page 12 of Between Now and Forever

“I don’t hate it. I’m sacred of him.”

He gives me a disbelieving stare. “That lie may work on Fiona, but it won’t work on me. I know you too well,” he says and then takes a sip of his water.

“Fine. I don’t like dogs,” I admit grudgingly.

He groans and mimes a frustrated yank of his hair. “Why don’t you justsaythat? Why pretend? Why are you so afraid to be yourself?” His voice grows louder with each question, and I hate how disappointed he looks.

“Because, saying you don’t like dogs these days is like confessing to being a serial pedophile,” I say with a jaunty laugh that’s as hollow as my heart feels.

He doesn’t even crack a smile. “They’re not going to like you more dressed like that. It’s not your clothes that make them uncomfortable. It’syou. You’re not like them and it makes them nervous.”

The bite of judgment and condemnation in his voice cuts me to the quick. He’s never made me feel bad about being so different. I know he’s not trying to make me feel bad, now. But his words are the unvarnished truth and it hurts to hear them from the one person who I know loves me as I am. And it gets my ire up.

I bite back the retort on the tip of my tongue. Pissing him off won’t make him more likely to say yes.

And right now, that’s all I want.

I have a chance tonight. One I’m desperate for. But I can’t get out of the door.

“Duke is just a friend, J. I don’t understand why you’re making such a big deal out of it.”

His gaze turns accusing. “Do you still have stars in your eyes about him, Clo?”

I feign indignation and draw back, my hand pressed to my chest. “I haveneverhad stars in my eyes about him and don’t call me that.”

He rolls his eyes and ignores the last part of my sentence. “You’vealwayshad stars in your eyes over him, and he’s the kind of guy to take advantage of that.”

“We’re justfriends,” I insist when he looks at me with a disbelieving frown.

“He’s too old to be yourfriend, and even if he wasn’t, he’s too self-centered to beanyone’sfriend,” he sneers contemptuously. I don’t understand why he hates Duke so much.

“I’m not interested in him like that. I just...”

“You justwhat?” he demands, completely unmoved by my distress and unwilling to let me even think about what I’m trying to say.

In this face of his uncharacteristic rigidity, my sense of self-preservation evaporates faster than steam cut by frigid air.

I forget about trying to cajole him. I’ve never once thrown his perfection in his face. I’m wounded and I lash out.

“You sound like one of those people who says things like, ‘If you’re sick of being poor, why don’t you just go out and get another job on top of the four you already have,’” I snap.

His eyebrows shoot straight up and his lip curls in confusion. “What the fuckdoes that mean?”

I take a deep breath and try to find a way to explain without sounding pathetic.

Quickly, I realize that’s impossible.

Itispathetic.

No matter how you look at it.Iam pathetic.

And weary.

And desperate for this day that could change everything.

So, I lay it out.

“I know you’re busy J, but it can’t have escaped your notice that besides Dina, I don’t have asinglerealfriend here. I just want this one night to be like everyone else.”

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