Page 27 of Between Now and Forever

I know they’re all worried about me, but I wish they would back off. I can barely handle my own emotions most days. When I have to deal with theirs, too, it feels like I’m being crushed by their guilt and worry.

Not that I don’t think they shouldn’t feel guilty or be worried…at least my parents. They kind of deserve it.

Last year, my parents sat me down and told me I was adopted. I didn’t take the news well. I started drinking too much. Spending money I didn’t have. Sleeping with people whose names I didn’t remember, and in some cases, hadn’t known to start with.

My family thought I was fine. I hid my inner turmoil well. I never missed rehearsals, performances, or press availabilities. But one night, everything came crashing down on me. I took a girl home and fell asleep before she left. She crawled into bed with me, and I woke up to her screams and my hand around her throat.

Needless to say, it was a big fucking deal.

She called the cops.

I was arrested, and she had to go to the hospital because I hadn’t just choked her in my sleep, I’d punched her hard enough to fracture her cheek bone.

Because I was drunk when it happened and because I had a juvenile record that was full of violent offenses, I was sentenced to sixty days in jail and sixty days in rehab.

That was my rock bottom.

I lost my contract with the New York Symphony. I was fired from my recurring appearances on my family’s reality show.

But losing those things felt insignificant when I stacked them against the pride that used to be in my father’s expression every time he looked at me.

I’m desperate to get that back.

I stopped drinking, haven’t had sex with anyone in months, and I’m faithful to my anger management sessions.

Even when we’re traveling, I talk to my therapist.

But, my reputation won’t ever recover. If you google me, the news stories about my arrest are higher on the search results than my music career.

I have a chance at a comeback, if my father will agree to let me appear on the show again. But until he thinks I’m ready, I’m out.

I agreed to do all this traveling and family time because it was important to him, but also because it would give him a chance to see that I’m better and in control now.

I’ve just reached the lake shore when a loud scream of laughter to my left draws my attention back over my shoulder to the bonfire.

That’s when I see her. And everything else falls away.

She’s dancing alone at the edge of the crowd of people gathered around one of the huge communal bonfires that were lit at sunset.

Her eyes are closed, her arms hang loosely by her side as she sways languidly. Her lips are curved in a contented smile.

My plans to go for a quick swim are forgotten. Lord, but I’m a sucker for a girl who likes music enough to dance all by herself.

Add to that how damn pretty she looks from here and it’s like waving a red flag at a bull. But, a bull who knows it’s days of goring matadors are behind it. I didn’t make it this whole week to fuck it up over a pretty face.

So, I can’t explain what possesses me to turn around and head in her direction.

I have no idea what I’ll do or say when I reach her.

Or if I’ll do or say anything, at all.

I also don’t know why my heart is nearly beating out of my chest.

As I get closer, the details that the distance and dusky lighting hid from me reveal themselves.

Her face is rounder than the firelight’s shadows made it appear.

Her dark hair is slicked back away from her heart shaped face. The sun-tanned skin is a canvas for eyes that are wide set, framed by dark arched brows, and fringed by thick, sooty lashes that cast feathery half-moon shapes on the high rounds of her cheekbones.

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