Page 62 of Between Now and Forever

“Being afraid doesn’t mean you’re not brave. Of course, you’re afraid…life is fucking scary. Don’t let that stop you.”

My brother has been my comrade-in-arms my whole life. We’re eight years apart in age, but we’ve lived by the motto we came up with when I was just eight and he was already sixteen.

Our lives have changed so much in the years since. But one thing has remained constant. James and I have always been each other’s best friend. It was a bond forged by circumstances that we only survived because we had each other’s backs. And it has proven unbreakable.

We hold each other’s gaze. His is full of happiness and I know that mine is, too. I can’t imagine losing the one person who really loves me. What would I do?

As if he’s reading my mind, he asks, “Do you remember that thing we used to say?”

I nod and hold my hand up, palm out toward him. He places his palm on mine, and we link fingers.

I close my eyes and try desperately to capture everything about this moment. The dry slide of his palm against mine, the way his skin feels under the pad of my fingers.

“Your blood is my blood,” James says, and I join him for the rest of our childhood oath. “There is no space between us. I forgive you for everything. One day, we’ll live free. Or die trying.”

I open my eyes to find his as clear as they’ve been since I got here.

I reach up to brush away the tear that escapes the corner of my eye.

“Liz…” His voice is heavy with fatigue, and I look up at him, my pity party over as quickly as it started.

“Are you tired? Do you want me to call a nurse or something?”

“Yes. I’m tired. But I don’t need a nurse. I want you to stop crying. Today is your birthday. We’re both here. Let’s be grateful. We get a second chance.”

I just shake my head in wonder. “I wish I could be so accepting.”

“It’s totally contrary to your nature,” he deadpans.

A bark of surprised laughter escapes me.

“Gee thanks.”

“It’s a compliment. I hope you never stop wanting more. You were born with stars in your eyes. I know this family and it’s fucked-up shit has made it hard for you to keep them there. But as long as you’ve got me, I’ll do what I can for you. Promise me, that until you have what you want, you won’t stop reaching for it.”

“Well, it would be good if I knew what I wanted.”

“You know…you’re just afraid because you think you’ll never have it.”

I glare at him.

“James, let me give you a tip. If you ever decide to go after Dina, insults aren’t the way to get girls to like you.” The chuckle I expected doesn’t come.

His eyes close.

“There’s a cake and stuff at the house. You should go and get it. By the time you get back, I should be awake again.”

His voice isn’t angry, but it’s clipped and tight with hurt.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t joke.”

“It’s okay. I shouldn’t have burdened you with that.”

“It’s not a burden. I love you.”

I drop my forehead onto his hand and say a quick prayer of thanks for him.

“I don’t want to leave you,” I say, but stand anyway. I know he needs his rest. And so do I.

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