Page 64 of Between Now and Forever

Oh my God.

My brother is dead.

I look around the hospital room and have to close my eyes against the wave of dizziness, caused by the crushing pain of reality that's snuffed out any hope that flared for a second that maybe it had all been a dream.

The pain is too much for me to fathom. I vibrate with it. My hands are clenched in fists so tightly that I can feel the sting of my fingers in my palm.

But I look up into the haggard face of my sister-in-law, Erin, and I know it wasn’t.

This wasn’t a nightmare.

This is real.

“They need the room, Lizzy; you have to go,” she says, and her voice is as hollow as her eyes. I nod and struggle to stand. I feel drunk and look around dazedly for my purse.

“I lost track of time.”

She nods. Her expression is tight and doesn’t meet my eyes for more than a second before she looks away.

“The sheriff said you left this in her car.” She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small envelope.

“What is this?”

“It’s in James’s handwriting.” Her voice breaks and she looks sharply down at the floor. “Of course the last letter he would ever write would be to you. I wish he’d loved me half as much.”

Her shoulders shake, but there is no sound. I just watch her. I know nothing I say will make it any better. So, I just wait for her to finish and watch as her tears land on the floor. Some of them splatter on my toes, and I resist the urge to drag my foot along my pants leg to dry them off.

I wait until I am in the back of cab before I open his letter.

It is short and to the point. And my tears flow as I read it over and over again until I can’t see it anymore.

“Happy Birthday my lovely Lizzy. I hope it’s one for the record books. When you were a baby, you were insatiable and demanding, and you refused to be denied. You would cry until the whole house stopped to pay attention. And then, you’d hold court. Mom used to say, ‘this girl is destined for great things.’

I know she hurt you, but I hope one day you’ll want to know more about her. When you do, let me know. There’s so much of her inside of you. What she did was wrong. But she isn’t a bad person. I know you don’t understand why I don’t hate her. It’s not because she didn’t hurt me. It’s because I remember all of the good things about her. You were too young to know, but when you’re ready, I want to introduce you to the real her. Until then, remember that you are destined for great things. I push you because I have faith in you. When you find the place where you can spread your wings, you’re going to soar. I can’t wait to see it. I love you. James.”

Anguish the likes of which I have never known cleaves my heart in half. It’s only when a tear runs down my nose and hangs suspended there that I realizeI’m crying again. I know for sure, that even when these tears dry and life goes on, I’ll never stop crying.

10

NEMESIS

CARTER

“God,I forgot how much I hate these people,” my father mutters and tugs at his shirt collar.

“Thank you for you coming,” I say solemnly. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt like I needed my dad for moral support. But, now that I’m standing in the foyer of Beth’s family's house, I’m glad he insisted on coming with me. I knew there’d be people visiting, but I hadn’t expected such a crowd. I thought I’d be able to find a few minutes to talk to Beth alone.

“It’s Wednesday afternoon, why aren’t these people at work?” I ask as we join a line of people who are waiting to pay their respects. The man who let us in told us that the Wolfes were receiving visitors and the wait would be long.

“Nothing like death as a reason to call in. For a boy like James Wolfe, the whole town is probably shut down. I knew there’d be a crowd, and honestly, I wanted to see if anyone I knew from high school would be here.”

I give him a sidelong glance.

“Ah, a hot and heavy ex? I’m telling Mom,” I tease.

“Your mom is the first hot and heavy thing I ever had. You should be thanking me instead of threatening me. I’m going to run interference while you find your girl.”

I look at my dad and don’t try to hide my surprise. My dad was barely speaking to me yesterday. When I said I was going to visit her, he hadn’t even looked up from his paper. But when I was leaving today, he was waiting for me in the entryway of the house.

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