Page 70 of Between Now and Forever

“Of course, it is. You always loved your long hair. But now, your father hates me and you want him to not hate you, too. Am I right?” she presses.

“Mother, can you please not do this now?” I put my fork down on the table and fix her with an angry stare.

“I’m just honest,” she says in her English that has become more heavily accented after nearly seven years of living in France.

It’s my turn to laugh humorlessly. “Right. You’re honest. At least he’s here.”

“You know what your father thinks about when he looks at you?”

“His future!” I snap.

“Your pussy.”

I turn around and look at her then, my disgust and anger undisguised. “That’s disgusting.”

“Oh, you Americans. Everything is sex.”

She’s always called usyou Americans.

When we were children and she and my father still got along, it was a term of endearment. Now, it’s an epithet.

“Sorry, does pussy, when used in reference to a woman’s body part have a different meaning in France?” I ask sarcastically.

“God. How my own daughter has such a stick up her ass, I’ll never know.” She rolls her eyes upward in a plea, as if in search of a divine response.

My patience snaps.

“I don’t know how my mother is such a selfish, irresponsible, narcissist.”

I stand and walk over to the window. I don’t know.

She follows me and we stand there in contemplative silence, both of us lost in our thoughts.

“Come back to France with me. You can start fresh.” She says.

I turn my head sharply in surprise and find her still looking out at the lake, her demeanor nearly serene.

“I don’t need a fresh start. This is myhome. My whole future is here. And with James gone, he’s going to need me more than ever.”

She shakes her head and turns to face me. Her eyes are hard and glittering with anger.

“Is that what you think? Well, let me save you some time and heartache. If you stay in this town, all you’ll ever be is his daughter, and then, someone’s wife. Because that’s the only role he’ll ever let you play.”

I roll my eyes in dismissal of her words.

“Just because that’s all you ever were to him, doesn’t mean that’s all I’ll ever be.”

“Do you think that when I married him, that’s all I wanted? He tookeverythingfrom me,” she says bitterly.

“Hegaveyou everything. It’s not his fault you squandered it,” I remind her.

She narrows her eyes at me.

“I’m wasting my breath. One day, you’ll see I was right. The first time you want something that runs contrary to his plans for you, you’ll know him then.”

“Mother—”

“Mother. Who calls their mothermother?”she says and clutches her chest and looks forlornly at me.

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