Page 71 of Between Now and Forever

My patience snaps and I whirl on her.

“A girl whosemotherleft her when she was only five to go live La Vida Loca in the South of France and didn’t show her face again for eight years. You don’t know anything about me. Or him.”

I say those words more to shut her up than because I believe them. I’m not sure that my father loves me. But I do know that he’s the only person I love who is still here.

She comes to stand beside me and puts a hand on my shoulder. I turn to look at her and this time, the sympathy in her eyes isn’t feigned.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You really don’t know your father, do you?” she asks softly.

I bristle. “That’s ridiculous. Of course, I do. Better than you do.”

She laughs softly. “You just see what everyone else does. What I did. He’s so charming. So handsome. So brilliant and confident and successful. Hmm?” She asks like she’s asking me to agree before she goes on.

I roll my eyes. “Yes.”

She smiles and her eyes get a faraway look in them, like she’s remembering something wonderful. “When he smiles at you, it’s like the sun shining over you, yes? So much so that when he looks away, your world feels a little darker?”

I don’t answer.

I don’t have to.

She strokes the back of her finger down my cheek and then slides it under my chin to force me to look her in the eye. She scans my face, her expression full of regret. Something I’ve never seen her express.

“It was a mistake leaving you with him, I think,” she says.

I jerk my chin out of her grasp and glare up at her.

“I’m glad he raised me,” I say.

She smiles ruefully, her eyes full of sadness and then runs her other hand gently over my hair.

“Yes, I know you are. Because like everyone else in this town, you’ve been brainwashed into believing his bullshit.” She looks me intently in the eyes.

“I’mnotbrainwashed.” Indignation washes over me and I get out of my chair and walk over to the large bay window.

“I used to defend him, too. I made excuses for him, too. And then I fell in love. Love that set me free. It showed me what was missing. You should leave with me. Switzerland is beautiful; you’ll see. I couldn’t take you when you were a girl. I don’t know when they’ll let me come back. Please, if you left with me now, he couldn’t stop you. This place will suck all of the life out of you. Your father… He. Will.Never.See. You.”

She implores from behind me.

My heart is so heavy, that her words barely make a dent. She’s virtually a stranger.

I turn to face her. I try to see what James did. But all I see are the choices she made and how they affected my life. My father is the only person who hasn’t left me. I’m not going to jeopardize that for whatever pipedream she’s selling.

“There are so many rich men in that country, and we’ll make you so beautiful you’ll never have to work. And I’ve got so much to tell—”

Make you so beautiful.

Right then, I decide I don’t ever want to live with someone who feels like they have to make me anything.

Not ever again.

“Please leave. I don’t want to see you. You chose your life and left me to mine,” I say in a voice that’s as steady as I can manage.

“It’s too late for you to try and be my mother. I don’t want to come live with you and your criminal boyfriend that you loved so much that you left your family for him.”

“Oh Clover… I wish you’d let me explain.”

---