Page 76 of Between Now and Forever

“So…are we, like, going to be like… boyfriend and girlfriend?” Her eyes are expectant.

And suddenly, breathing feels a little harder. Those words make me think of things like explanation and disappointment.

I’m not sure that I can be intimate with anyone. And what happens when she finds out about everything? She’ll be horrified. Or when I start back on the show and that whole world crowds in on us. She’ll get tired of it and walk away. Or I’ll be weak and break even more of my own rules and end up hurting her.

I smile and say, “Let’s not put any labels on it.”

Her eyes lose some of their sparkle, but she smiles gamely.

“Well, no matter what we call it, the last few days have been awesome. I know a side of myself that I didn’t before.”

“How do you mean?” I ask.

“I mean, now I know, that given the chance, I can sit down with people I don’t know and have a great conversation. I’ve never been anywhere, but here. And now I’m going to get to travel with you—even though I’ll be seeing it through your phone’s camera. Meeting you was really good luck.”

Oh yeah…Thecheesecake. I’m ruined.

I brush my lips very lightly across hers and smile when she whimpers.

God, I’m going to miss her.

“I promise, I’ll call.” It doesn’t make my heart race to say it.

“Don’t promise, Carter. Promises are bound to be broken. Just do it.” Her eyes turn solemn and I see that she and disappointment are intimate friends. I want to break them up.

“Okay. I’ll show you.”

13

GENEROUS

ELISABETH

My phone buzzes somewherein my bed. I fumble around for it, but I’m too tired to sit up.

“Hey Siri, read me the text,” I say.

“You’ll need to unlock your iPhone, first,” comes the useless robot’s response. I groan and kick my sheets off before I sit up. My room is dark, and my alarm clock blinks a neon 3:30 a.m. at me. I turn on the light by my bed and see my phone down by where my feet were. I snatch it up, and even though I already know it’s from Carter, when I see his name on my screen, my heart does a little leap.

“The sun is just rising and everyone else is still asleep. I hope you are, too. I’m up because I’m sleeping outside and I’m terrified that a bear is going to eat me. This is the worst idea my father has ever had. If I’m never heard from again, here’s a final picture.” And there’s a selfie. He’s got a weeks worth of beard and his eyes are half shut against the glare of the flash he used to take it.

I close the text and call him.

He answers immediately. “Hold on,” he whispers and I hear rustling and muffled curses. I curse my lack of forethought.

“Ooh, I’m sorry. You did say everyone is still asleep. Don’t get up. We can talk—”

“Hello?” he says suddenly. He sounds out of breath.

“Hi. I’m sorry I made you get up.”

“I need to take a piss. I was too afraid to go by myself, but now that we’re on the phone, at least if something happens to me, you can call for help.”

I laugh. I’ve learned over the last couple of weeks that Carter is very dramatic.

“Well, then, I’m glad I called. It’s not good to hold your pee.”

“It’s not good to sleep outside. This is going to be hell. My father and his damn bucket list.”

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