Page 85 of Between Now and Forever

I’m just a woman.

And Carter is just a man.

Today, I draw us as we were that night… me on counter in his bathroom. Carter’s head is buried between my bare thighs and his muscled and lightly veined arms are wrapped around them, holding me open while he gives me a lesson in pleasure that left me hungry for more.

While I draw, I’m so immersed in it that I can feel the rough scrape of his tongue and the sharp nip of his teeth…he smells of fresh air and tastes of salt and mint. I run my fingers through his silky, thick hair and then hold his head to me.

I slip my hand into my damp panties. It only takes a few minutes before I’m shuddering my release and gasping to try and stifle the moans that it pulls out of me. In the aftermath, I stare out of the window and find myself grateful for this view. The sky is clear blue today and stretches farther than my eye can see. This sky connects me to Carter. I know that he’s somewhere underneath that sky, too.

Footsteps outside my door jolt me out of my reverie. I run to my closet and shove the file folder I keep these pictures in into the back of my closet. I turn around just as the door swings open.

It’s my grandmother. My heart, already thumping hard from my orgasm, is now beating frantically.

“Good morning, Grandmother. You’re early.”

Her sharp, shrewd gaze is on the closet door for a beat before coming back to me.

She smiles as if pleasantly surprised.

“You’re looking robust this morning. It’s good to see some color in your cheeks. I’m glad you’re finally making peace with things,” she says with arch superiority and triumph.

I almost laugh when I imagine telling her what the color in my cheeks is really from, but I don’t dare let her think I’m mocking her.

She cocks her head and gives me a quick head to toe.

“Your hair is finally long enough to do something with. You’re going to the salon. And then we’ll go shopping. Time to get you ready to go back into the world feeling and looking like a Wolfe woman.”

“Okay, sure.”

“Your father has been trying to find someone who would be willing to overlook your lack of accomplishment and traditional beauty. It’s difficult. Powerful men want flawless wives. Thank goodness for your pedigree and your money.” She casts a critical eye over me and I squirm.

You would think that after a lifetime of this kind of scrutiny and criticism, it wouldn’t hurt so much to know that the people who should love me, think that I’m nothing without the fortune my grandfather left me.

When the stylist turns me to face the mirror I hardly recognize myself. I’m blonde, with hair that hangs past my shoulders thanks to the extensions she added to my hair. My makeup is impeccable, and as I gaze at the woman in the mirror, I’m hard pressed to find anything objectionable.

All the things that distinguished me are gone. I don’t know who the woman in the mirror is, but I find out, very quickly, that the rest of the world likes her a lot better than they like the other me.

My grandmother smiles at me as I make my way toward the reception area where she’s waiting.

“You look perfect. Your father will be pleased.”

It’s only eight words.

I didn’t think I cared if I ever heard them.

But, now, as my heart expands, an ache that I’d lived with for so long that I didn’t even notice it anymore is suddenly gone.

Finally. My father will be pleased. Withme.

We head to the mall, and as soon as we step inside the huge department store where my grandmother’s personal shopper is based, two men rush to pull the doors open for us and one of them winks at me when we make eye contact. It feels nice to be looked at like that. To not have their eyes rest on my birthmark before they look away.

The clothes we buy are all picked out by my grandmother. I try them all on, and even though no one asks my opinion, I can’t help but sigh over the sumptuous fabrics that they’re all made from.

Is this what I’ve been missing by refusing to dress the way they want? Why did I think that wearing these clothes would be torture? I admire myself in the mirror, and when we’re done, I ask to wear one of my new dresses home.

As I walk through the mall with my hair done, my makeup flawless and my body showcased in a blue dress that fits me like a second skin, I can see the looks of appreciation on people’s faces.

I look like the women that everyone finds attractive.

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