Page 16 of Between Now and Forever

He tugs my arms off and looks like he wants to punch something when he looks down at me.

“You’re an adult. I can’t stop you, but I want you to know what’s at stake.”

“James, come on, you’re being so over the top,” I snap, exasperated by his dramatic warning.

“Dad treats you like you’re invisible and has pretty much written you off as useless.”

I flinch at his verbal slap in the face.

“I don’t care about tha—”

“You do care. Very much. And I understand. He’s your father. You want him to see you.” His expression full of knowing challenge.

I can’t hold his gaze; he’s right. I want his approval, badly.

“Trust me when I say, your life is better without his attention. The minute he thinks you’re useful, he’ll make it impossible for you to leave.”

“Well, maybe being here wouldn’t be so bad if Iwasuseful.”

“No. Focus on your goal. The only thing useful about you or any woman in his eyes, are the sons you’ll push into this world to grow his family. You don’t want his approval. Makeyourselfproud. And don’t do anything stupid tonight.” His expression is full of resignation and fairly brimming with disappointment as he turns back to his work.

I leave the room, because even though he’s not looking at me, I feel exposed and guilty.

But the most unsettling thing is the way his warning sends unease prickling up my spine.

But I also know that what I said is how I feel. I could deal with his constant scorn if I could find a way to break it up with moments of pride.

Maybethen, he’d see me and my worth.

A car horn honks from the other side of the door. I walk back to his office to say goodbye. Just as I walk in, an errant cloud that had been providing shade to the room disappears. A ray of sunlight falls over him and makes his golden hair look like a halo. He looks up and smiles at me, and he’s positively angelic.

I hold my phone up and snap a picture of him, I want to draw him just like that.

He stands and meets me halfway, and by the time we reach each other his smile is gone.

“Call me if you need a ride. It doesn’t matter how late. I’ll come get you.”

“Okay,” I say and glance down in exasperation at his hand, which is still holding my shoulder tight.

“He’s waiting, J. I have to go.”

He ignores me.

“Donotget in the car with him if he’s been drinking. And here…” He lets me go and turns to open the drawer of the small wooden side table he keeps there and turns back around holding a handful of condoms.

I recoil.

“Oh my God, pleasestopbeing gross.”I stick my tongue out and tuck my chin into my neck in disgust.

“Don’t be juvenile.” He thrusts them at me, his expression frank and judgment free.

“You’re my big brother; this is weird.”

I press my hands to my ears and close my eyes and shake my head to try and dislodge that whole exchange from my head. He tugs my hands away from my head and pulls me into a hug.

“God, you’ve looked like a woman for so long, that sometimes I forget that you’re still a kid,” he says into the top of my hair, his hug growing tighter as we stand there.

“You are only eight years older than me, James,” I say as I struggle free from him.

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