Page 108 of Between Now & Heartbreak

“You’re stillsodumb.” His finger pokes the side of my head hard enough to knock me off balance. When I recover my footing, I stare at him, incredulous. He wouldn’t dothathere. Not when someone could hear.

“You’ve forgotten who the fuck I am, haven’t you?” He’s standing in front of me again, his menacing eyes boring into me. Fear primal and edged with teeth swells in every cell of my body.

Not again. I have to get out of here. I have to.

I shake my head as I look up at him, unable to hide my fear. “No. Daddy.” It comes out in a pathetic whisper.

He’s pokes me again, this time, in the center of my chest. I go flying and land on my backside. I scramble to my feet, my heart pounding in alarm and shock.

“I’ve been nice to you. Indulged you. Let you work for me. And so maybe you started thinking you would actually have a say in your life.” He says quietly.

“I was just—” I stammer.

His hands wrap around my biceps like shackles and he shakes me and roars in my face. “Shut thefuckup.”

He makes a sound of disgust and lets me go with a violent shove that sends me flying.

“You are fired. If you want to work for me again, marry Duke, have his babies and I’ll pay you handsomely. Anything else, and you won’t get another penny out of me. You want to pretend you’ve got choices. Go ahead. Let’s see how long you last when you can’t find a fucking job.” He roars.

My fear disappears. It’s replaced by ice cold shock.

“No. You can’t do that.” I say disbelieving.

“You’re anornament. Your job is to look good. To make us look good. But you are replaceable. If you break, we will find ourselves another one.”

I stare at this man and wonder how so many people are blind to the devil behind all of the charm and charisma.

“You better smile and make nice tonight. I won’t let you ruin this for me again.”

I’m speechless. Rendered so by the hatred in his voice, the absolute contempt in his eyes.

I don’t say anything.

Instead, I stare at him. Meeting his gaze of contempt with one of my own.

Surprise flashes in his eyes before he smiles as if he’s amused.

“Too late to pretend you’ve got a spine,” he says as he walks over to the full length mirror that’s attached to the door. He straightens his tie, adjusts his cuffs, and smooths a hand over his dark hair.

Then, he turns his dispassionate gaze back to me.

“Itug your strings. When you marry Duke, he’ll take over. Learnthatand you’ll be happy. Come to fucking heel,” he shouts. And then, he’s gone.

I lay where I am for a long time. Unable to think straight. I’m unravelling. How has my life gone completely to hell in such a short time?

There’s a well of despair inside of me. It’s been there for as long as I can remember. The lid I’ve kept on it, by the sheer force of my will and sense of self preservation, has come loose.

And the despair has festered and become even more potent. And right now, after the rollercoaster I just climbed off, I’m covered in it. I can’t ignore it.

I must indulge it so that I can put that lid back on.

But, I don’t cry. Not this time. Tears mean streaked makeup and redness that tells tales I’d rather nobody ever know. Tales they can twist and fashion into weapons to use against you.

Instead, I gather a wad of paper towels and shove them in my mouth.

And then, Iscream.

My makeshift gag muffles the sound, but it’s ferocity isn’t dampened one bit. I hold it there and scream into it until I’m exhausted and my throat is raw.

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