Page 128 of Between Now & Heartbreak

“That’s nice.” I say sincerely, but it sounds flat even to my own ears. I don’t know how to talk to him. He walks over to the bed and out of the corner of my eye, I can see him gazing at Cameron.

“It’s crazy that those two could make someone so innocent and beautiful.”

“Fiona’s not that bad. She’s been nice to me.” I say, tightening the belt of my robe.

“Uh - can you excuse us,” he says suddenly, and I startle at Serene’s whispered “of course.” I’d forgotten she was in the room.

When the door closes behind her, my scalp tingles and I realize that I’m alone with Phil.

He drops onto the bed, lies down next to Cam and loosens his tie with a long suffering sigh.

“Come here. Let’s talk. For real.”

He pats the spot next to him. My eyes widen in surprise.

“We can talk with me here.” I say from my seat in front of my vanity.

“What? You afraid you’re gonna fall in love with me, too?” he quips.

I’m stunned by his callousness.

“Wow. That was…” I trail off, too shocked by his callous reference to continue.

“That was what? Honest? The elephant in the room?”

I don’t say anything because he’s right.

“You think there’s something wrong with you because you fell in love with a guy you really connected with and found attractive. Who happens to share enough DNA with you to make you siblings. But it doesn’t make him your brother. There’s nothing wrong with you. You have to forgive yourself.”

I have never spoken to him about Carter.

I don’t know if they stay in touch.

I don’t want to know. For the sake of my sanity, I created a spotless space in my brain where thoughts of Carter aren’t allowed. And for the last six months that’s where I’ve dwelled.

The long healed souvenir of the night I indulged my grief, throbs like a phantom reminder of how dangerous it can be do anything else.

I try to pull my fingers out of his hold so that I can rub the ache away from my rib. But he won’t let go.

“You don’t have the right to absolve me of anything.” I tug hard, but he still won’t let go.

“I know I wasn’t there for you or James when it mattered. But I’m here now and, Liz, I love you, and I swear I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. Trust me when I say, Duke — he’s not a good man. I don’t have proof, but there’s something off with him. He smiles a lot, but I know men like him. And they’re not the kind of guy you marry.”

I laugh at his little melodrama.

“What do you know of good men? Areyouone?” I ask.

He lets go of my wrists. His face contorts with hurt and flush rises up his cheeks.

“I fucked up, Liz. But, I am a different person now. Leaving here, changed me. I found myself in places I couldn’t have imagined when I living here. You need to go and see these places, too. You’re wasted on this place.”

I sigh. “It’s too late. And it’s not about me. I may be wasted on this place, butthatlittle girl will not grow up alone here like I did.” I point at Cameron.

“I’m back, she won’t be alone.”

“So you say. You’ll understand though, whenIsay that I don’t believe you.”

He looks wounded.

---