Page 14 of Between Now & Heartbreak

Her eyes narrow in unmistakable annoyance. But she presses her lips together as if damming up her words.

I hate the way my father uses James death. I hate myself for doing the same thing now. It’s shitty and I know it. But I’m desperate to stop talking about this.

I pick up the drink on the table and throw it back, wincing at the bite of alcohol, but grateful for the way it cools me down.

“Sure, Liz, you can finish my drink. I didn’t want it or anything,” Dina says with feigned cheeriness.

I turn to her, my expression full of sincere apology.

Hers is twisted in a scowl.

“I’m sorry, Dina. I was just surprised to see him at our table. And you were flirting with him.”

She flushes. “He’s famous, and hot and I could use the distraction. Clearly, I was—”

The whine of feedback from the mic makes us both cringe and turn toward the stage.

The MC is holding the mic with one hand and squinting at a clipboard in his other.

“Looks like we’re going to church tonight, folks. Up next we have…Cartersinging Hallelujah, by Pentatonix,” the MC crows into the mic.

The crowd cheers and jeers. My stomach heaves and tears I don’t understand spring to my eyes. I am desperate to stop whatever is about to happen.

“Can we go?” I grab Dina’s arm and tug.

She pulls out my grasp and signals for our waitress.

“No way. You got to have your silent, subliminal hate fuck. The least you can do is let me watch him sing.” She turns and places an order. Resigned, I order one of whatever she’s having. I’m going to need a drink to make it through tonight.

Her eyes are glued to the stage and even though I know she’s married, the way she’s looking at him scares me. And suddenly I feel like I need to explain more..

“Dina, listen, I need to tell you something.”

She turns, presses a finger to her lips and shakes her head before she looks back at the stage.

I give up and, very reluctantly, look that way, too.

All the oxygen flees my lungs. And just like everyone else, I can’t tear my eyes away from the stage.

Even under the harsh lights of the stage, Carter is riveting.

He’s got…a magnetic presence. The light bounces off his bowed head, shooting prisms of light through his dark hair. His hands flex around the the mic while he waits for the song to start.

Suddenly he looks up and straight in my direction and our eyes meet.

God help me.

My memories sold this feeling short.

It’s like flying. I want to get up, and go put my arms around him. To soothe his hurt over losing his dad. To ask him why he left me all alone after he showed me what it was like to have someone give a shit.

I don’t know what he sees in my eyes, but all I see is that tenderness that held me in his thrall last summer.

Time vanishes, taking all of the distance and animus with it.

Right now, we’re back at his lake house sitting on my bed, talking to each other. His head rests on my stomach, my hands sift through his hair while his heart thumps against my thighs, tapping out a combination that will make sure they spread any time he wants.

The crowd goes wild and shakes me out of my trance. I sit up and look over at Dina and find her watching me intently. What I see there, pity and accusation –is jarring and I look back at the stage and try to forget everything I’ve had and lost.

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