Page 15 of Between Now & Heartbreak

He’s not looking at me anymore.

He’s not looking at anyone.

His eyes are closed and he’s singing.

His voice is beautiful. It’s a clear, rich tenor with a rasp around its edges that fills the room and holds us all in its thrall. The crowd is transformed. There’s a hush in the room that sends chills up my spine.

My heart swells with pride and happiness.

He may be singing to a room full of people, but he might as well be on Mars – he’s totally lost in the song.

And I’m lost in my emotions.

Oh, Carter.

This is what he was born to do.

I remember the clips of him at the piano from the CNN report, but they never actually played the parts with music. Just the shocked look on his face and the scramble to get the camera away from him.

But, he’s clearly got a gift. Why is he here? And not on a stage in some big city?

I look over at Dina and find her eyes closed, her head bowed as if in prayer, her lips moving as she sings along silently. I see tears on her cheeks and even though my friend never cries, I understand.

He’s singing about fear, and courage, loss and acceptance, discontentment and hope, and the emotion in his voice is visceral and raw.

His eyes open and they come straight to me when he sings the line “Well baby, I’ve been here before.”

For a few long seconds, our gazes tangle and he smiles at me.

Like we didn’t just have that awful exchange.

Like he did right before he kissed me that first time.

Like we’re still what we were.

Maybe, it wasn’t all just in my head.

Maybe there’s an explanation for what happened.

Fed by that small drop of hope, a smile spreads tentatively across my face. It’s like I snapped my fingers and broke his trance. His eyes clear and his expression shutters.

But I don’t miss the look of…something I don’t understand, but that Ithinkmight be regret before he turns away.

Again, I’m stung. I don’t understand whatI’vedone to earn his ire. But even in the face of his rejection and all my confusion, I can’t stop watching him sing.

I sigh deeply and my hand curls around the phantom pencil it craves.

I want to draw that face again.

He finishes the song and the whole place goes wild.

Without even acknowledging the applause he strides off the stage and disappears behind it.

The curtains as they settle back into place.

The crowd’s claps die down and the MC introduces the next act.

But, I can’t move on.

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