Page 44 of Between Now & Heartbreak

“I was just getting to that.”

“It’s a long way to come just to talk to me. We live in the same town.”

“Well, it’s kind of hard to talk to you when you avoid me every time I see you.”

“I’ve been busy. That has nothing to do with you.” I lie again.

But confessing that staying away from her has been an act of self-preservation doesn’t feel like the right thing to say right now.

“Okay, so are you going to tell me what this is about? Or are you just going to smile at me like a broken robot?”

Her smile falters, her eyes flicker with disappointment. But then her perfectly even expression is back. I feel like an asshole. And I feel ashamed.

“I’m sorry.” I say quietly, unable to meet her eye.

“I like talking to you… I meant it when I said I missed you.” Her unexpected response brings my head up.

My heart thuds. I was hoping that somehow, we could avoid bringing up the last time we saw each other.

“I was wondering if —” she says and blows out a long breath, and her smile never cracks. Her hands are balled into fists at her side, and I’m fascinated by how quickly she’s gone from cool and composed to completely out of sorts.

“Yes?” I say when she doesn’t finish her sentence.

She flushes, a pretty pink that crawls up her neck and spreads onto her cheeks. “I’ve been listening to your music. You’re amazing on the piano, and you’re like a huge deal. I mean, even Mo down at the A & P’s heard of Carnegie Hall. It’s inspiring.” She says, her eyes shining with sincerity.

She’ssodamn pretty.

And engaged.

“I’m glad. Seems like a lot of trouble to wait in your car for an hour to tell me that.”

She continues as if she didn’t hear me. “You don’t sing in any of those videos. Why not?“

Thank God for my media training. My poker face doesn’t even flicker. But, right below the surface, I feel like a circuit that shorted from an overload of energy. My skin prickles, my ears are buzzing and my heart is thundering.

“Because, I’m not a singer.”

“Well, that’s a crime. Because based on what I heard at Corks, it’s what you were born to do.”

If she’d hit me in the chest with a ton of bricks, it would have felt better than those words.

Fuck me.

She couldn’t have pushed my buttons harder if she’d tried. But she’s not done.

“I have a piano at home. Well not at home, but at my brother’s place. I’m staying there for the next month and…you could use it if you’d like. I mean, come over and use it.”

My first instinct is to throw myself at her feet and thank her.

A piano. God, I’ve been aching to play again. Especially after that day at the library. Even with so much between us, she’s still my muse. And I’ve got music bursting to get out. But, I remember how she decimated me the last time I was alone with her. No way.

“What does yourmanthink about asking me over, Clover?”

There’s a flash of surprise in her expression. It’s just for a second, but it’s as noticeable as a skip in a record. And then, her robot smile is back in place.

“He’s on a business trip. He’ll be gone for almost two more months.”

My blood feels like it’s going to catch on fire. So, she’s cheating on him? With me? Oh fuckthat.

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