Page 72 of Between Now & Heartbreak

His smile is rueful, now. “He wasn’t hurting anybody. I know what it is to go from minding your own business to suddenly facing certain destruction. And I know what it means to be given a lift instead of being crushed. Once you’ve received mercy, you’re more inclined to give it. Makes the world a better place.” He laughs deprecatingly and waves the paper.

I don’t know about mercy, buthemakes my world a better place. I want to tell him that, but I can barely breathe around tears clogging my throat.

This is the man I used to dream about. And he’s right here. Offering himself to me.

And I can’t have him.

“Are you okay?” His brow furrows in concern and he reaches a hand out toward the bare skin of my shoulder, like he’s going to touch me. The skin there, exposed and vulnerable, feels hypersensitive, like my nerves are reaching out, trying to meet his hand half way.

His head lowers, and in his eyes, I see the same helpless confusion I feel…

“What are we going to do?” I whisper, and bite my lower lip as I stare at his.

His eyes narrow and dart to my lips before coming back to mine.

“I want you to be with me …I love you,” his voice is full of wonder. His breath wafts over my lips but his words send shockwaves to my senses.

Oh my God. He said it first. My first response is a giddy ripple of surprise.

My head spins and I gaze up at his face in utter surprise.

“You…do?”

He grins.

“Yes. I do.”

Joy, the likes of which I’ve never known, floods my veins.

He wraps his arms around me and brings his face close to mine. “Forget about Duke. He’s not for you. I know I wasn’t here and he stepped in. ButI’mthe one.Yourone. I know I’m leaving. But we’ll figure it out. I’ll come back in between tours. When you figure out art school, you can come to New York. I’ll help you find a place to live and all of that…”

He’s still talking but I don’t hear him anymore.

Every word he says feels like a step away from me.

What was I thinking?

He’s leaving. When my family gets back, everything will go back to where it was.

I haven’t had a connection like this, one that makes everything so clear, in my life. Not ever. But it’s not any different than last time.

He’ll leave. And I’ll have to deal with the fall out.

“Carter, I’m sorry. Everything is so different now. But not different enough. I can’t. I’m sorry.” I say quietly.

Slowly his face changes.

The appearance of a furrow in his brow precedes his frown. Then, there’s a flush in his cheeks and a flare in his nostrils before his full lips flatten .

You’re hurting him.My angel coos.

Better than risking everything.My devil bellows.

He puts his hands on his hips and looks down at the floor, shaking his head and his lips are moving.

“Are you talking to yourself?” I take a step toward him and his head comes up. The look in his eyes stops me dead in my tracks. He looks disillusioned, but defiant.

“Is it Duke?” His voice is dark and a shiver runs up my spine.

---