Page 73 of Between Now & Heartbreak

“I mean, partly, yes.”

He growls “You haven’t talked to himoncein the weeks that he’s been gone.”

“You don’tknowthat.” He’s not wrong, but he doesn’tknowwith the certainty he’s proclaiming.

“Oh, Idoknow. Because I’ve been here every night for three weeks. You fall asleep at that table every night, listening tomeplay. You eat dinner withme. You spend your weekends cooped up here withme. I know I’m the last man you fucked. I know your pussy wet for me right now. You’re withme.What the fuck does Duke have to do with any of this?”

“Carter, we’re on a break, I can’t—”

“Being on a break from him isstupid,Beth.” He slices the air with his hand.

After years of being called that by my father and feeling it myself, I recoil when I hear it from his mouth.

“Stupid?” I ask incredulously.

“The guy was boning your coworker and she humiliated you in front of your family and friends, and probably told everyone at work about it. And yet you’re going to say no tothisbecause of him..”

I walk up to him and poke my finger in his chest, my face mutinously angry.

“Don’t call me stupid. Not ever again.”

He shakes his head in disappointment. “You know I don’t think you’re stupid. You just want a reason to be mad at me, too.”

His expression softens, but only in intensity. He looks tired and sounds defeated. I put my hands on his crossed arms and plead up at him.

“Carter, Please. Can we just keep doing what we’ve been doing? Why can’t that be enough?”

He steps away from me and looks at me like I’m an alien.

“Enough? I just told you that I fuckingloveyou. I’ve never told anyone that. And I know it’s only been three weeks, but I mean it.”

My breath hitches. I love him, too. But so what? I’m not free to choose my love. And I’m afraid to choose it. Because I know it’s not enough to keep me safe from my father.

He looks out of the window, he lips compressed in a thin line. “I wish I didn’t love you. I’m sick of liesandthe people who tell them. I’m done dangling from your thread while you work outwhatever.It’s time for me to go back home.”

He stands and walks out of the room. The thud of his footfalls tracks his journey up to his room and the slam of his bedroom door is the end of it.

The resounding quiet that follows is terrifying.

I have ruined this.

He’s angry and now he’s leaving.

I struggle to draw breath and my blood feels too thick for my veins.

But after a few deep inhales, I’m still alive.

And that’s how I will manage this. One breath at a time.

It hurts, but it’s whatshouldhappen.

This whole thing being so close to him…it felt good. It was like an out of body experience. But it was never going to last. He was going to go home or I was going to get caught or fuck up or both.

That’s how this will end. He says he loves me, but he can’t do anything to help me.

So, it’s good this all happened before I fell in love.

My heart constricts painfully.

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