Page 80 of Between Now & Heartbreak

“I told him I didn’t want anything right now. You know…because of Duke.” I wail mournfully.

“Well. I see…no wonder you’re panicking. That was a dumb thing to say.?”

“I know.“ My mouth feels dry and I grab a bottle of water and chug it back.

“Let me tell you what IwishI’d done when the man I really love laid his heart out in front of me.”

I choke on the water and put the bottle down to grab some paper towels to wipe up the mess.

She hands me a batch and tightens her grip on them when I try to take them.

I look into her eyes and tear up when I see the real heartbreak there.

“Did he tell you?” She doesn’t have to say who he is. I know she’s talking about James.

“Yes. But only the night before he died. He said you didn’t know.”

She shakes her head.

“He didn’t want you to hate me. Even then, he was trying to protect me. I loved him. And I can tell you, living with the fact that I won’t ever get to tell him that, is a feeling I wouldn’t wish on anyone.”

“Why did you marry Wes if you don’t love him?” I ask quietly.

She lets go of my hand. “Idolove him. Or… I did. Just not as much as I loved James. He wastheone. We had nothing in common, but when we were in the same place at the same time, we just gravitated towards each other.”

Her voice breaks on the bow of her confession and she folds in on herself. This is her secret. How similar it is to mine. She’s sharing it with me. The trust she’s placed in me, by giving me the most vulnerable part of herself so that I don’t make the same mistake is a priceless gift. And it gives me the push I need to tell her everything.

“He died coming to get me. Because I was with Carter instead of at home, and he was worried.”

I slap a hand over my mouth and stare at her in horror.

Her expression is a mirror of mine. I feel the sting of her judgment and the creep of shame at my choices.

“Say something, Dina.”

“Is that how your dad got you to agree to marry Duke?”

“Well, I felt like I owed him something. James was his heir.”

“So are you.”

“Well, he doesn’t want that. And neither do I. Anymore. Once I get this money—”

“Moneyisn’t the answer, Liz. It’snot. When you get it, you’ll find that it wasn’t worth whatever it is you’ve sold to get it. Don’t do it. James wanted something different for you.”

“I want to help Cam.” I say and it sounds so flimsy now.

Dina turns on the couch so she’s facing me.

“You want to help Cam? Show her what it looks like for a woman to succeed without doing anyone’s bidding. You’retalented.You can sell those paintings and makerealmoney. Model what’s possible for her. If you marry for money, what do you think she’s going to do?”

I hadn’t thought of it that way at all.

“Look at your life right now. Is it different from everything you’ve grown up in? Haswantingit to be different done you any good? No. You want to break a cycle? You have to destroy the wheel that gives it shape and then light it on fire. You don’t become another spoke in it. Don’t do it. Don’t.”

Her eyes are begging me.

Her righteous speech is well timed. My heart is fertile ground for hope and I soak it in.

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