Page 99 of Between Now & Heartbreak

“What? I said I was sorry.”

“Sorry is not going to cut it shithead. You have ignored all of us for three weeks. Mom is about to launch a freaking search party for you.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“We’re afamily.Youforget what that means.”

It hurts to hear her say that, but I know I deserve it.

“I know…I’ve been an ass, but honestly, I needed the space. I know you can’t understand, but I needed to know more about her…”

She sighs and I know she’s done scolding me.

“Idounderstand. You just didn’t give me a chance to show you that. I love you. I don’t want you tonothave this journey, I just don’t want to lose you in the process.”

Something inside of me uncoils and it releases, and the fear that I’ve tried to ignore dissipates. The relief that takes its place isn’t comfortable either though. I’m ashamed that I doubted them.

I feared, deep down the distance would reveal that I wasn’t an essential part of our family’s alchemy. That they wouldn’t miss me.

Whatever I thought I’d find out while I was here, it hasn’t happened. I’m still Carter. Son of Lorin and Penn. No one but Jo has looked at me and recognized her. No one thinks of her as anything more than the woman who went crazy and killed her husband.

If I was born with any tendencies that are like hers or his, my parents loved me enough that I’ve never felt them. The family I was meant for is the one that chose me and I know how lucky I am. I’ve always known.

“Carter, are you there?”

“We could never lose each other. That would never happen. Never.” I wish I could give her a hug, but I know she can feel how much I mean what I’m saying.

She’s quiet for a long minute and then she says, “So, tell me what you need.” I feel like an ass asking her for something when I’ve hurt her so much.

“I’m assuming this has something to do with thatgirl?” She says when I don’t respond right away.

“What girl?” I ask, thrown that she’s honed in on that so quickly.

She sighs in exasperation.

“Are we really going to do this? I know she’s half the reason you’re down there. She did a number on you last summer. I thought you’d never stop glaring at your phone.”

“I’m glad you found my torment amusing,” I grouse.

“I was glad you’d had the experience of disappointment. I think you needed something like that. For perspective. Learning what it’s like to lose something you can’t get back is humbling. And you, my dear, needed some of that badly.”

“What are you talking about?” My affront isn’t feigned.

“You walked away from a huge deal because you didn’tfeellike it. I bet you think it’ll come back around, because you’re so talented all you have to do is announce that you’re back and everyone will throw flowers at your feet?”

“Are you kidding? Of course I don’t,” I argue.

“Of course you do. Your ego is huge and now that you know you’re the chosen one, it’s gotten ridiculous.”

“Thechosenone? Nadia, that’s crazy.”

“Jack and I were the result of failed birth control. I’m just saying, now that you know that the world doesn’t revolve around you, maybe you’ll stop spitting in fortune’s face every time she smiles at you.”

I laugh at that. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. I’ve never thought the world revolved around me. And I walked away from that deal because I didn’t want the publicity. But now, I want something more than I want my privacy.”

“And that would be?”

“Beth.”

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