Page 126 of The Sun and Her Star

“It’s not that.” He stands up, and I take a step back. I don’t want him near me.

“Then, what is it? Why can’t you just tell me the fucking—” My voice breaks, “—truth?” I clutch my chest and wish I could contain the hurt that flows like a river after it’s damn near breaking.

“I’m trying to protect you,” he says, his voice full of desperation that matches what I’m feeling.

“From who? The only person who has ever hurt me intentionally isyou.” I give him a very pointed look.

He has the gall to look affronted. “I have never hurt you intentionally. I wouldnever,”he says and the look in his eyes is so earnest that I can tell he believes that.

“Isn’tlyingintentional? What’s more damaging than withholding your trust?” I shake my head. “Betrayingtrust? For leaving gaping holes in people’s lives? That’s what you did, and you’re doing it again,” I accuse.

“No. No. No,” he repeatedly says, as if saying it can make what I said less true.

“Yes. You are,” I say firmly. “I will not live with a liar.” He flinches but doesn’t say anything. “Life is too short. I’d rather bealonethan share my precious life with someone who would ratherlieto me than let me see all of him.” My heart is racing as I say these words. I mean them. I can’t imagine life without him. Not again. But, if I have to worry that he’s hiding things or that he doesn’t trust me, we’ll be finished before we ever get started.

He’s watching me; his gaze isn’t quite focused. “I’m scared ...” He says it slowly as if he just realizes it.

I nearly sag with relief because even though it’s not enough, it’s the most honest thing he’s said to me in a long time. I walk to him and stand on my toes to hold his precious face in my hands. I look into his eyes and let him see my own truth.

“Me, too. But, I chose you over my fear.”

He slides his hands around my waist and it’s such a comforting, supportive touch that it gives me the courage to keep speaking.

“I want to be your home, Graham. The place where you can be yourself. The place where you can ask for anything you want and know that you’ll never be ridiculed for it. I want you to be mine. I love you so desperately. Please. Please. Tell me what’s happening.”

“Okay.” He swallows hard. I can almost hear the wheels turning in his mind.

I narrow my eyes at him. “Everything.You know how I like details. All of them.Don’t leaveanythingout because I will know,” I warn him. I glance around the cabana and see Graham’s packed suitcase standing by the door.

“Were you really going toleaveme here?” I ask incredulously. He flushes and looks down at the floor.

“Are you insane?”

“I wrote you an email,” he says and has the decency to look ashamed.

“I would havekilledyou if I’d woken up to find you gone,” I tell him. I see the tiniest hint of a smile on his face. “I’m assuming you’re leaving because you need to get back to New York and not because you decided you couldn’t bear being with me.”

His smile disappears.

“A story broke this morning. I need to get back and deal with it.”

“What story?” I ask, but I’m already moving. I walk into the bedroom and grab my phone, purse, and the heels I’d worn on the trip down. When I walk back into the living room, he’s still standing in exactly the same spot as he had been when I walked out. He looks like he got hit on the head by a brick and is trying to regain his senses.

“Why are you standing there? I thought you said we had to go,” I snap impatiently.

He blinks. “You’re coming with me? You don’t even know what’s going on.”

I groan in disgust. “Of course, I’m coming with you. Whatever’s going on, we’ll kick its ass together. And then, I’ll kickyourass myself. I’m theonlyone allowed to do that,” I say grimly.

He throws his head back in relief and then reaches out as if he’s going to grab me.

I take a step back. “Whoa … No. Not now. If you touch me right now, we might end up fucking. And that would just make things worse, and we’ve got to go, right?”

“I don’t deserve you,” he says quietly from where he’s standing. The sincere gratitude in his eyes is so disarming, I want to crumble into his arms and cry. But now isn’t the time. He’s about to tell me something terrible, and I need to focus on that because apparently, its not just something he’s kept from me. It’s something that’s going to be on the news.

Instead, I say, “Yes, you do, Graham. We’re stuck with each other. No matter how badly we try to fuck it up. Let’s talk in the car.”

He takes my hand, and we leave.

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