Page 17 of The Sun and Her Star

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, and I wish I’d just kept my big mouth shut.

“Sunshine, the only reason I’m out here right now is ‘cause my stepdad is at a meeting. I’m supposed to be in my room praying.”

“Huh? Why would you be praying now?” I ask confused.

“Because that’s the only thing I’m still allowed to do on my own. I’m not even supposed to be here.”

“Why can’t you be here?” I’m confused by what he’s saying.

“Our town, Cain’s Weeping … my stepdad is the head of it. There’s a lot of rules. The main one being that no one is allowed to leave. Except for him and some of his men. And sometimes my mama. But that’s it.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” he replies. He shrugs and presses his lips together like he’s thinking hard.

“I wasn’t born there. We moved there when I was four and Mama married him.”

“Where’d you live before?”

“A city called Austin. It’s where Mama’s from … I don’t have a ton of memories. But, I remember my house. It was bright, and we had a yard. My bed was blue … but, that’s all I remember.”

He points at the book in my hands. “That book? It’s myonlybook. Mama brought it with her when we came here. She had a bunch, but he threw them all out after we got here. This one was the only one she was able to hide. She only gave it to me when I was ten. Before that, I didn’t read anything but the Bible.”

I want to cry. Not just because he looks so sad, but because I can’t imagine life without my books.

“We used to read it together at night afterhewent to sleep,” he says quietly, still looking at the book.

“Now, Mama thinks Ellie—that’s my sister’s name—died as punishment for her giving it to me. She won’t read with me. She barely even talks to me.” He’s still staring at the book, and from his voice, I can’t tell if he’s sad or mad or both.

“Trust me, you wouldn’t be happy living out here. IwishI was just visiting. IwishI could go visit somewhere else,” he says and finally looks at me.

His eyes are sad, and he’s breathing hard. I reach out and grab one of his hands and put it between mine. I rub the top of it slowly, the way Papa used to rub my back when I was scared or sad. No one does that for me anymore, but it feels nice to do it for someone else.

“When you grow up, you can do whatever you want. That’s what I’m waiting on,” I tell him.

“I don’t even think about growing up, Apollo. Sometimes, I feel like I’ll be stuck like this forever.” My heart squeezes.

He looks away and his fingers fiddle with a thread that’s hanging loose on the edge of the hammock.

“Ellie was only four, but I’d been planning on teaching her how to read … and then, she died. I never got the chance.”

A new pain blooms in my chest because I knowexactlyhow he feels.

“You know what I do when I miss my sister?” I nudge him so he’ll look at me.

“What?”

“I think about all of the things we wanted to do together, and I promise myself that one day, I’ll do them.”

“Like what?”

“Well, Artemis loved art. As much as I love books. She and I used to talk about traveling around collecting art and books, and how one day, we’d open a store and sell all the stuff we bought. I’m still gonna do it. Even though I won’t have her beside me, it’ll be like doing it together.”

Just thinking about it gives me a small surge of happiness that makes me smile.

I squeeze Graham’s hand. “I know you can’t teach your sister how to read, but maybe one day, you can teach someone else.”

“You really think that?” He’s not smiling, but his eyes aren’t sad anymore.

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