Page 50 of The Sun and Her Star

Yet, even as I rationalize the action, I know fidelity is important. If Apollo and I were already a couple, I couldn’t do this.

I would just stay dropped out of school.

It’s more than just the fidelity.

I know what I’m doing is wrong. Sleeping with a lot of different women, getting paid for it?

We can do everything we always used to do, and I’ll explain that we need to wait until Mama’s treatment is over before I can think about moving and becoming a couple. We’ll just carry on like before. Nothing has to change.

As long as she never knows.

Apollo’s face flashes in my head.Shit.The minute she sees me, she’llknow.Sometimes, I think she only asks me how I’m feeling to be polite.

She’s fucking intuitive. And an excellent judge of character.

I’ll just stop her from visiting. Just until Mama’s better. She’ll understand, and she’s starting college in the fall, too. She’ll be busy.

Much better than me. I feel the tickle of pressure in the base of my spine as my orgasm starts to build. Nanette’s cries grow louder, and she drops herself on top of me and shudders her release. A few small upward thrusts of my hips and I’m emptying my release into the condom.

It was just a transaction. Nothing exchanged but two physical responses.

When we’re done, Nanette and I sit down and talk terms. I ask for a clause that stipulates no kissing or oral. She adds it.

“You’re the prettiest of my new toys. I’m glad I had a sample. You can always come back for more if you’d like.” I smile, but I know I won’t.

I sign the contract, name Nanette as my agent, and go home to take a shower.

Then, I pick up my phone and send Apollo a text that seals my fate.

Rotten

Apollo

Dear Sunshine,

I bet that big mouth of yours fell wide open when you saw this letter. Better close it before you catch flies.

I left Texas six months ago. Mama told me you mailed the letter that told the Fergusons how to get us out. Thank you so much. She told me you came to the house that day. I don’t know what you saw, but I want you to know I’m much better. Thank you for the books and the letters. The book of poetry by Rumi is my favorite.

One of them says, “My soul is from elsewhere, I’m sure of that … and I intend to end up there.”

That’s how I felt my whole life … Sure that I’ll find my place

As much as I love the books, the letter to your dad is the best thing I’ve ever read. I keep it in a safe place and read it every night.

I wanted to write sooner, but we had a lot to figure out and get sorted. When we first got here, we lived with the Fergusons. But that was only for a few weeks.

Where we live now is okay. It’s only got one bedroom and bathroom though. I sleep on the pullout in the living room for now, but we’re working on getting a bigger place.

I started school. It’s a really fancy private school in Beverly Hills. Mama works in the cafeteria there, so they gave me a scholarship. They have the biggest library I’ve seen since we’ve been here, and I check out as many books as I want. I’m in ninth grade now. I love school. I’m learning everything I can. I think I want to be a teacher. My teachers all seem to love what they’re doing, and I think it would be cool to teach kids. Maybe not high school, but younger. Science is my favorite subject. I’ll show you some of the cool experiments I’ve done when we see each other.

I made friends with these guys, Reece, Omar, and David. We’re all on the track team together. None of them like to read, except Dave, but he only reads science fiction. But they’re all really nice. They all live in Beverly Hills. You should see their houses. Reece has a movie theatre inside of his. Wait till you see it.

I’m happy that we met that summer, Apollo. You’re still my best friend. I used the money I earned cutting grass in our neighborhood to buy you a copy of my newest favorite book. I hope you don’t mind that I read it once before I sent it to you. It’s calledTo Kill A Mockingbird,and I think it’s the best book I’ve ever read. I know you don’t like fiction, but I think you’ll like this.

In a year, I can get a real job, too. I think I want to work in a gym or something. I don’t know. I want to help my mom more. She’s always so tired, and if I get a job, maybe she can quit one of hers. Anyway, I hope you like the book.

I love you,

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