Page 52 of The Sun and Her Star

At eighteen, I have enough college credits to be a junior and I know if I work hard enough, I can graduate this year. I’ve been working with my mother’s team of therapists and doctors to get her to a place where she can move to an assisted living facility. It’s meant hours of sessions each week. It’s meant painful conversations and lots of sleepless nights. But, I don’t mind.

I’ve always been a destination-oriented person. I’ll suffer the journey if I know at the end of it, I’ll be where I want to be. And where I want to be is free to share my life with Graham. And these past few months, I told myself I could and would wait for him. Because he promised he was mine.

He had lied. Made a mockery of me. I had sat in the restaurant and watched him with another woman and it had destroyed me.

Using my pounding head as an excuse, I left an hour after I got there.

I went back to my hotel room and stared at myself in the mirror. I had never resented my less-than-conventional features more than I did at that moment.

I carry my ancestors proudly on my face and body. My Iroquois grandfathers live in the deep-set slant of my eyes. My Iranian grandmother stakes claim to my broad mouth and the generous curve of my hips. I come from proud, ancient people with a rich history and beautiful culture. I’ve got an exceptionally quick mind, and I’m brave, and my heart is true. I know that I have the capacity to make a positive difference in the world. Those are the things my father taught me were important when I was a girl. So, that I wasn’t beautiful in the way women who are extolled for that virtue are never bothered me.

I thought who I was would be enough for Graham.

All of that came crashing down on me last night.

I look down the row at his friends and family. Their faces mirror what I’m feeling. He’s everyone’s best friend. Everyone’s touchstone. We all love him. I’m glad he has that. He deserves to be loved.

I don’t know Nanette beyond what I saw yesterday and what I’ve seen today. But, I can tell that her beauty is only skin deep. There is nothing loving about her pestilent presence.

Clearly, for Graham, that’s enough … or maybe, with his new-found fame, it’s everything.

I shake myself and force my attention back to the ceremony. I try to remember why I’m here. I’m proud of him. I want him to be happy. I just wish there could be more for me.

When Graham’s name booms over the loud speaker, I stand up and clap. I cheer at the top of my lungs. My heart swells with pride and elation. He’s my best friend. Even if I’m not his anymore.

Most of the crowd joins me. And, in what feels like part of the recently recurring theme of our relationship, my voice is drowned out. Just as he turns to smile for the official photographer, he lifts his face and scans the crowd until his gaze lands on me and his face lights up in a smile that makes my foolish heart beat wildly with love for him.

When our eyes lock, the stadium falls away. For just a few seconds, Graham and I are in our hammock, reading and talking.

But the sweet aftertaste of my heart’s flutters has turned bitter. Those smiles are false flags. They aren’t enough anymore.

I watch his grin turn into a beautiful, soul deep, happy smile as he sees his mother and friends sitting next to me.

I know the minute his gaze lands on Nanette because his smile falls—not just a little, but it completely disappears. He waves feebly before he hurries offstage.

What the hell is going on?

Graham struts back to his seat. He’s the walking picture of confidence. He looks so happy. His hair is pulled away from his face in a rare ponytail. I only get to see him like this when he’s sleeping. Or when we’re working out together. Otherwise, it’s always down. One lock hangs over his left eye, giving his otherwise “American as apple pie” look an edge.

“He has fans here, Apollo,” his mother says, and I turn to look at her.

“Fans?” I ask, confused.

“Yes. Apparently, he and his friends, wherever they go, a little caravan of people follow them. Isn’t thatwild?” she says excitedly.

“Yeah, it’s wild,” I repeat, a hollow pain spreading in my chest as everything starts to fall into place.

The rest of the world is starting to get glimpses of him, and just like me, they’re struck dumb and in love. He’s got fans. Famous, wealthy and glamorous friends. I am the only one who missed the memo that Graham’s ambitions had done a complete one-hundred-and-eighty-degree turn. I’m also, clearly, the only one who thinks there’s anything wrong with that.

Even if there’ssomethingabout Nanette that he doesn’t like, he’s obviously made his choice. From what I can see, Graham likes being surrounded by all of this exceptional beauty and talent.

Even if it’s rotten at the core.

Capes

Graham

My eyes roam over the sea of gyrating bodies on the dance floor below the VIP balcony of Omar’s newest venture, Tattoo. I’m the face of the new advertising campaign that he’s launching next month. It’s my first ever. We thought it’d be nice to have my graduation party here and get people excited about our collaboration.

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