Page 63 of The Sun and Her Star

“I’ve waited for you. Youaskedme to, and then you just decide you’d rather be a playboy or something?” I say in disgust.

“Apollo, it’s not that. I’ve just had a lot … it’s been fucking hard.” He stares at the floor and shakes his head as if I wouldn’t understand. How can I? He won’t tell me anything.

“You’re not the only one who’s had a hard time, Graham.”

He lifts his head slowly, his expression stony.

I shiver when he drags his cold, hard granite gaze over me. His eyes are more deliberate when they lingers on the delicate spray of diamonds that float on the delicate gold chains around my neck.

“You look justfine to me,” he says. His eyebrows are raised as if he’s daring me to prove him wrong.

My hackles rise.

“What?”I demand, raising my eyebrows in return. “Because I have money, I’m not allowed to have problems?” I curl my lip in disgust. “Fuck, I don’t even really have money. It’s my father’s money. And I get anallowance. And if I want more, I have to live a life I don’t want. For years.” My frustration and resentment bubble in my chest.

“No amount of money is worth giving up my dreams for. Life is short. You don’t get a second chance. I have dreams—I want to chase them. I want quiet. I want art and long walks in the park. I want to travel and learn. I want to gaze at the stars. I want to fuckingreadwith my best friend.” My heart aches and I have to bite my lip to keep it from trembling.

Graham just watches me, his expression not softening as I try not to fall apart. “Yeah, Apollo, I know you’ve had some personal issues and that your rich Pollyanna life is hell on earth because you’d rather be traipsing in a park or lying in a hammock on the beach.”

I recoil at the scorn dripping from his voice, but he doesn’t seem to notice.

“You think I don’t wish I could have made different choices?” He shakes his head in disgust—whether it’s at me or life, I can’t tell. “Yeah, your dad is dead. So’s mine. At least yours left you with money, comfort, security. All mine left was an abusive stepfather and sick mother.”

“This isn’t about who has it worse,” I groan. “It’s about living our lives and being true to ourselves. And you’ve changed.” I swallow hard, and then I can’t hold his eyes anymore.

“I have no—”

“You have. You went to college and majored in education. You wanted to be a teacher. Now you’re a personal trainer. And you’ve got Nanette. And your stupid Four Horsemen thing with your friends at the Polo Club.”

He flinches, but his gaze turns cold. “Wow, I didn’t realize you thought so little of me,” he says stonily.

“I didn’t—”

“So what if I like that I’m not invisible anymore? Is it so bad that people see me? I’m sorry you can’t handle it,” he shouts.

Graham’s words are barbed in a resentment I’ve never heard from him before. My chest tightens as the chasm between us widens. And, in the place whereweused to be, there are shards of glass that will never be part of a whole again.

I walk over to him and put my hand on his arm. He looks down at me, his eyes smoldering with indignation.

“Forget me. What aboutyou?” I stare beseechingly at him. “I hate to see you turn your back on your dreams.”

“I’m not,” he bites out through clenched teeth, the muscle in his jaw jumping.

“You had bigger dreams than being Instagram famous. But that’s all you seem to care about. Well, that and Nanette.”

He walks past me to the door. “You know what? I’m sorry my dreams aren’t lofty enough for you. I’m sorry you’re jealous of Nanette. I’m sorry I’m not the poor boy you can treat like a charity case.” He flings these words at me like a rubber band. They bite, wound, and stun me.

Is that what he thinks? Before I can ask, he yanks the door open. My eyes widen in shock. “Are youreallykicking me out?”

“If you’re willing to throw our friendship away because I can’tfuckyou right now, then go ahead.” He jerks his thumb toward the now open door. “Then, yes. I am. Leave.”

His words have the effect of an openhanded slap in the face.

I blink to clear my vision and stare at him, dazed and so hurt.

“Do you not know me at all? You think I’m mad that you won’tfuckme? You thinkthat’swhy I’m leaving?” I ask him incredulously.

My heart feels like it’s been yanked from its foundation and smashed to a thousand pieces. Still, I can only think one thing. “I love …” I stop to inhale a shuddering breath to bolster my shaky voice.

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