Page 65 of The Sun and Her Star

I had no way of finding out. I’d never met Apollo’s mother, and her aunt never returned my calls either.

I’d never really thought about how alone Apollo was until I realized there was no one else in her life besides her old driver who might know where she was.

I knew when she left that she was angry. Hell, I was pissed, too. But it never occurred to me that we would stop talking to each other.

Notus. She promised to be my friend through everything. She promised that she’d never turn her back on me.

Then, two months after she left, she posted on her previously dormant Instagram account.

It was a video. Her hair was blowing wildly in the wind. Whipping against her face as she tried to keep it out of her eyes and mouth. Her luscious, laughing,mouth.“I love the desert. I’m so fucking happy!” She screamed into the camera before she turned it toward the driver, a dark-haired man with sunglasses and averystupid grin. “Say hi, Josh,” Apollo called from behind the camera. Josh shot the finger at the camera and Apollo laughs out loud and then turned the camera around. I caught a glimpse of her chin and neck before she stopped recording.

I watched the video on a loop until my phone died.

My eyes burned with tears and my throat clogged with anger as I realized that she was off living her life and that she’d turned her back on me because I wouldn’t havesexwith her. Because I didn’t want to sully our friendship with something that I did for money.

I pretty much lost my mind.

I hurled my phone across the room so hard that it chipped the drywall. And then, I got completely shit-faced and sat on my couch and deleted every single voice mail I’d saved over the last five years. I’d muttered “Fuck her,” through my clenched teeth when I hit the trash can icon on my phone.

But really, I just fuckedmyself.

When I woke up the next morning, I threw up. Not because I was hungover, but because I would never get to listen to Apollo’s Portuguese rendition of Happy Birthday. Or the message she left telling me how proud she was of me on my first day of classes at UCLA. Every single last one of them was gone, and the thought of never hearing her voice again made me ill.

Instead of taking the hint and moving on, I started calling her every day. It always went to voice mail. Normally, I’d just listen to her voice on the greeting she used.

But today, I had to leave a message.

It’s the first birthday I’ve spent without her since I started celebrating my birthday seven years ago.

My phone buzzes with a text and breaks up my pity party.

I pick it up.

I don’t expect it to be her anymore. But, every time I see it’s not, my stomach clenches with a feeling I’ve only recently been able to identify. It’s dread.

Apollo might never speak to me again. She was right, without my cape, I can’t fly. What do I have besides my fucked-up life, if I don’t have her sunshine to cleanse me?

I read the text. It’s from Reece.

Reece: “You guys want a ride? I’m heading out now.”

Me: “Nope, see you there.”

“Hey, Reece and O are on their way. Can you fucking get dressed? We’re gonna be late.” I shove my hands in my pocket and lean back against the counter, glowering at my shoes.

Dave lets out a long, low whistle as he walks

I lift my head and turn my glower on him. “What? You got something to say, say it, asshole.”

He laughs. “You havegotto stop calling her, man. It’s been a year. It makes yousofucking miserable. And thenyoumake the rest ofusmiserable.” He gives me an aggrieved shake of this head. “It’s your fucking birthday, man. You’re the hottest personal trainer in LA. You’ve got money and you can have any woman you want. You’re only twenty-three. Enjoy it. I don’t know what happened, but whatever it was, you’ve got to stop torturing yourself with this chick.”

“She’s not achick.” I curl my lip at him, but I know he’s right.

“Dude. Sheis.” He slaps his forehead in exasperation “You’re acting like you lost your fucking religion instead of having a fight with your best friend slash obsessive crush.”

“I just can’t believe she ghosted on me.”

“Dude, you saw avideoof her onInstagramwith some random guy, and you nearly put a hole in the wall. She had to sit through dinner with that MILF hanging all over you making it very obvious to the whole world that you guys were fucking. What would you have done?” He asks me the question I ask myself every day.

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