Page 73 of The Sun and Her Star

And my only experience with relationships with men is the one I had with Graham. So, I don’t know how long it’s supposed to take to start to feel like I’m falling. I’m not expecting to feel what I did for Graham. I would just like to feelmore.

As if he can sense me thinking about him, Lucas’s head comes up. When our eyes meet, it’s nice.

Nice is enough.

Year 3

Apollo

“I can’t believe we’re here.” Reena grabs my hand as our plane’s tires touch down.

“Me neither. I’m so nervous,” I confess and squeeze her hand back.

“I knoooooow. Apollo, can you believe it? We’re in New York. We have jobs and a flat waiting. And we’re unchaperoned.” Her eyes are wide with excitement, and I laugh.

“You’reunchaperoned,” I correct her. “I’m just as I always was, except now when I’m with you, I won’t have to worry about Karim making sure that we’re home by your curfew,” I tease.

“You’ll miss him. Who’s going to stand in line in the rain at our favorite kabob stand?” We dissolve into giggles that are partly due to mirth and partially due to nerves.

I’m as nervous as I’ve ever been. My life looks so different than what I’d thought it would.

“Lucas is meeting us, right?” Reena asks when the seat belt sign goes off and the plane suddenly comes alive. We’re in the back so we don’t bother standing up yet because it’ll be a while before we’re able to get off.

“Yeah, he insisted. I wish he hadn’t,” I confess with a pained look on my face.

“You’re crazy. He’s cute and smart. And he’s crazy about you. I mean, if you don’t want him, hand him over. I’d know just what to do with him.” This is her standard retort. I don’t tell her that some days I wish I could hand him over.

Lucas and I have been dating seriously for the last year and a half now, and when I told him I was going back to the States, he took a position in the New York City office of his bank and was here before me. He’s nice, I just wish … I felt more. I hope that being in New York City, both of us working and living adult lives will make things feel more ... special.

We step out of the Jetway and into the bustling, bright, loud terminal at JFK. I pull out my US phone and turn it on. It starts to buzz with notifications almost immediately. I check the voice mails and hold my breath until it updates. There are two new messages from Graham, on August second of this yearandlast.

“Come on, I need to pee.” Reena nudges me, and I slip my phone back into my pocket and follow her across the terminal to the bathroom.

“Hey, I see a bookstore. I’ll wait for you there.”

“Of course, bookworm. I’ll follow the sounds of rapture when I’m done,” she teases, and I laugh.

I’ve never met a bookstore I could resist. I’m smiling as I walk toward it.

And then, I see him. I stop dead in my tracks and mumble a distracted apology to the woman who yelps as she walks into me.

“Jerk,” she mutters without stopping.

I step out of the stream of people trying to get out of the airport and into the bookstore. I walk to the book and can only stare.

Fallenis scribbled in bright blue font across Graham’s bare, lickable chest. His eyes are defiant, his hair swept off his face, and long falls of silky gold hair hang over his shoulders.

“He’s yummy, right?”

I jump. “Ree! Shit, you scared me!”

“Clearly. I called your name twice.” She peers closely at the cover. “Oh my God, it’s that trainer on Instagram. What happened to him?”

My heart jumps, and I turn to look at her. “What do you mean? How would I know?”

“I mean, I don’t actually expect you to know,” she scoffs. “But, didn’t you follow him? His videos were so hot. Then they just disappeared.”

I’ve never spoken to her about Graham. I never knew how to explain who he was and how I felt about him. One day, I’d left it open on his feed when I went to the bathroom while we were studying. I came back to find her ogling him on my phone.

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