Page 84 of The Sun and Her Star

Apollo’s face flashes in my mind. My heart seems to contract in my chest. It’s been nearly four years, and it doesn’t hurt any less.

“Son?” I look back at my mother and shake my head in disbelief. I can’t believe how my world has turned upside down in such a short amount of time.

“I can’t rewrite the past, but I’m praying like hell that I can help direct your future. The only person’s life you can live is yourown,” she says softly. “The grass is green where it’s cared for. Live a life that feeds you inspiration. I know that agent has big plans for you. But remember the big plans you had for yourself. Because that’s what I intend to do,” she says, and for the first time, I heard a trace of something hopeful in her voice.

I eye her suspiciously. “What do you mean? What do youintend to do?”

Her face lights up, and she smiles broadly. “I want to see the world. I’ve spent the last four years going through treatments that meant I couldn’t travel. Now, I’m free to go. And, I want to take Becca with me.”

“What? You can’t—”

“I can. And besides you and Becca, I’m not telling anyone else about my diagnosis. I’ve waited this long to start living. I don’t want everyone treating me like I’m dying.”

I only nod. My eyes sting with tears and blur my vision. I remember my plans.

“I’m about to sign on for another two seasons of the show,” I tell her.

“What do you need another fifty million dollars for?” She looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “Do you actually think it can buy you anything worth having?”

“It paid for this house.” I push back.

“Yes, I’m glad to know that my son won’t have to worry about having a roof over his head. But, my heart won’t really know peace if you’re not happy.”

“I’m not unhappy,” I say miserably. She scoffs.

“Really? You haven’t picked up a book in years. And your girlfriend is more like your sister.” Her voice is full of reproach.

My eyes fly up to meet hers. “You know?”

“I have cancer. I’m notblind!” she scoffs. “I don’t understand how dating works these days. It’s been almost thirty years since I did any of that. I knew something was going on. And I know how you feel about Apollo.” If she had punched me in the face, I wouldn’t have been more surprised.

“Apollo?” I stammer. Her head lolls to the side and she narrows her eyes at me.

“Please stop. I don’t have time for anything but the truth,” she says wearily.

“I know. I’m sorry. It’s just ... it’s been years. I miss her. It’s hard to talk about,” I admit. It feels good to say those words out loud.

“Why in the world have you let all this time pass without calling her?”

“She’s moved on. She’s happy. I did too much damage to fix it.”

“How do you know she’s happy?”

“I can tell. Her pictures. She’s always smiling.”

“You smile in your pictures, too. Are you happy? You and Amber have been everywhere smiling, holding hands, acting like you’re in love. Unless she lives under a rock, she’s probably thinking the same about you.”

“Maybe, but I doubt she cares.”

“Listen to me. And listen very closely,” she snaps but with more sadness than fatigue in her voice. “I know what it is to lose the love of your life. There is no replacing them. Not ever.” Her voice is wistful. “But Graham, Apollo isn’t dead. She’s just got a boyfriend.” She yawns, and I can see how much the last couple of days have worn on her. And here I am acting like it’s my life that’s ending.

“I’m sorry, Mama.”

“Hush. Enough sorries. I’ve already started planning the trip. I’m taking Becca with me. You’ve had me for twenty-seven years. She’s only had me eleven. We need some time together.”

I give her a scandalized look. “Time together for what?”

“To be happy,” she says simply. I sigh. She deserves at least that.

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