Page 185 of By His Play

“What?” She balks. “That wasn’t an invitation to stay.”

My teeth grind, that fire reigniting inside me at how easily she can cast me aside.

I thought I meant more to her than that.

Is she right, have we fucked all this up?

Pain shoots through me, my stomach twisting with anxiety.

“If you want me to leave, why don’t you tell me to my face?”

She stares at me, her eyes wide and her nostrils flaring.

It takes her a few seconds to find the strength, but to my surprise, she does.

“I want you to leave."

Her voice comes out strong and unwavering.

It hits me like a truck, and I can’t help but take a step back.

Disbelief coats every inch of me. There’s no way she can’t read it on my face.

I’m too shocked to be able to smother my reaction.

“Effie?”

“I’m not fucking around, Kieran. I can’t do this. It’s been a long day, and—” She pauses to breathe. “Do you know what? I don’t owe you an explanation. Just…not now.”

“So, when?”

“I don’t know.”

The worst part about those three words is that she means them.

“But—”

“There is no but. I might be back, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to deal with everything. I’m confused, Kieran. Everything we did...Everything that happened...”

“It was just a bit of fun,” I offer, clutching at straws as panic hits me. “Just because I’ve licked your pussy, it doesn’t mean we can’t be?—”

“Stop,” she says, holding her palms up. “Just stop. When I’m ready to talk, I’ll call you.”

“No, you won’t.”

“Maybe, maybe not. But that’s my prerogative.”

“Yeah,” I mutter sadly. “I guess it is.”

Our eyes hold as our chests heave.

We’re both as angry as each other at this whole situation.

Despite wanting to hash it out and figure out a way forward, it’s never going to happen like this.

She’s right.

I need to leave. Even if it feels like ripping my own heart out while doing so.

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