The TV shows the build-up to the game and a mix of excitement and nerves flutters in my stomach as I think of Kieran in the locker room going through the rest of his pre-game ritual. I became a part of it junior year of high school. It was the last game of the season, and he wanted to make a killer impression on their coach before embarking on his final year. They dominated that game, and he put it down to me. He has called me without fail before every single game he’s played since that day. And no matter where I am or what I’m doing—I'm almost always either sitting in the stadium or in front of a TV, ready to watch—I take the call.
I’m sure it’s a habit that many would say I should have broken a long time ago. But I can’t. It means too much to Kieran, and I love that I’m able to help him and be a part of his success.
I’ve enjoyed every second of watching his career grow. He deserves it. He’s an incredible player and a wonderful person.
“Everything okay?” Grams asks as I lower into the chair beside her.
I look over, relieved to see the sparkle in her eyes that I love so much. It’s becoming less and less every day now.
Sadness tugs at my chest. Apart from Kieran, Grams has been the one constant in my life. The thought of losing her, of living a life without her, terrifies me. But there isn’t much I can do about it. Not only is her mind giving up, but her body is too. Every single second that passes is one less I get to spend with her.
It’s why I’m not in San Francisco at the game right now, supporting Kieran in person.
I hate that I’m not, but I couldn’t leave her.
I fight the pained sigh that threatens. It’s like my heart is being ripped in two with the need to be in both places at once.
But Grams needs me more right now. Kieran will have more games, and anyway, I’m watching, I’m supporting him, just…from a distance.
“Yeah, everything is great. Kieran is a little nervous.”
“Well, that’s to be expected. He’ll want his fiancée by his side for big days like this,” she says so confidently that I’d question her diagnosis if I didn’t know better.
My stomach knots and my eyes drop to my ring again.
“Yeah,” I muse.
“I just can’t believe it…after all these years. I mean, I knew. That boy has loved you from the moment you met. But I never thought I’d see the day when he figured it out. I just wish I could be there on the big day.”
A giant ball of emotion crawls up my throat. My nose itches and my eyes burn.
“You’re going to make the most beautiful bride, Effie.”
Pain shoots up my arms as I curl my fists, digging my nails into my palms in an attempt to distract myself.
“You’ll be there,” I choke out. “You’re too stubborn not to be.”
It’s a lie.
She’s not going to make it. And not just because of her declining health.
It’s because all of this is fake.
Kieran friend-zoned me a long time ago.
But what are you meant to do when your only grandmother’s dying wish is for you to get engaged and marry the man of your dreams?
You give her exactly what she wants.
1
KIERAN
Iwalk down the quiet hallway with my arms full of gifts.
I may not have been here before, but after listening to Effie talk about it so much over the past few months, everything feels very familiar.
She even managed to describe the scent pretty accurately.