Page 3 of By His Play

It’s not a hospital. But also…it kinda is.

A nurse darts across the hallway ahead of me, but she doesn’t look up.

Continuing forward, I take note of each door number, my heart rate increasing with each one.

I haven’t told her that I’m coming.

Sure, I said that I’d see her after the season ended, but I never gave dates. Hell, I’m glad I didn’t.

The past couple of months have been hard.

It doesn’t matter how many times my teammates, my friends, my brothers, tell me that my performance wasn’t what lost the playoff game, I still feel the weight of that crushing loss on my shoulders as if it happened just yesterday.

I wasn’t at my best. And as much as I hate to lay the reason for that at my best friend’s feet, I am. I feel guilty as fuck for it, but I can’t help it.

She wasn’t there.

My lucky charm wasn’t there when I needed her the most.

She was right not to be. She needed to be here with Grams. But fuck…I needed her.

When I called before the game, she answered. She was there with me in spirit. I knew she was watching the game, cheering me on. But not being able to look up and see her in the stands…it knocked me off-kilter.

It’s stupid. Really fucking stupid. But I can’t help it.

I need her.

I always have, and something tells me that I always will, too.

I come to a stop outside Gram’s room.

I haven’t seen her for too long. Far too fucking long. And I can’t lie…I’m terrified of what I’m going to find.

Growing up, she was there for me almost as much as she was for Effie. Seeing her decline—or more so, hearing about it more recently—has been hard. Not as hard as being here, though…

Guilt slams into me with the force of an eighteen-wheeler, causing me to suck in a sharp breath.

What I’ve been going through is nothing compared to what my best friend has been dealing with.

I hate that I haven’t been able to get out of my head sooner and be the friend she needs me to be.

Being the reason we lost that game is going to live with me for quite some time, but nowhere near as long as if I'm not here for Effie.

For almost as long as I can remember, she’s been my lucky charm, my biggest supporter, and the best friend I could ever ask for. She deserves for me to try to be even a fraction of the friend she is.

Forcing down my guilt and regrets, I shuffle the things in my arms and reach for the door handle.

There’s no time like the present.

Nothing but the sound of an old gameshow on the TV greets me. Not immediately hearing her voice makes me realize how much I’ve missed her.

It’s been too long. Far too fucking long.

Moving into the room, I find the two of them sitting in matching floral armchairs.

“Time for tea,” Grams says lightly.

Hearing her sound like herself makes my heart sing, but I’m not naive enough to think that’s how it always is these days. I know better than that.

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