Page 102 of Taste of Death

“I will yell for Cyan to come back in here if you don’t stop making fucking excuses and tell me why–”

“To protect you!” he cut in. “I needed you to leave. I needed Baros to believe that you meant nothing to me, so he wouldn’t use you to manipulate me. That’s why I lied and said those terrible things. I had no time to think of anything else, or a way to tell you what was happening.”

I stared at him, genuinely not expecting that response. My confusion only heightened. “That doesn’t explain why his daughter was standing naked right in front of you. They said you were going to make an heir, and you… ” I couldn’t even choke out the rest, that he looked at her flawless, perfect body like he wanted her. And that he took her blood.

Novak lowered his gaze, unable to look at me directly. “I did make an arrangement with Carpe Noctem to produce an heir with her, but after developing feelings for you, I tried to end it. I knew they would cause trouble for me when I wanted to go back on it. They’re a dangerous, powerful clan. But I still should have tried harder. That’s completely my fault. I should have told you, so you wouldn’t have been blindsided. I regret so,somuch, Amy.”

“Why was she naked?” For some reason, that was the detail I was hung up on. “Did they expect you to see her and just drop trou immediately?”

He winced. “Yeah, pretty much. She did a fertility ritual to increase the chances of pregnancy and her scent was… overpowering.” His eyes snapped up to mine, serious and intense. “I responded to her physically only because of biology. I didnotwant her, and I still don’t. You are the only woman I’ve wanted more than I want air to breathe.”

“But youtouchedher,” I hissed through hot, angry tears. “You drank her blood! I saw you.”

“You’re right, I did.” Novak’s jaw clenched. “And her blood tasted disgusting. It cleared my head of her scent and I was no longer physically aroused. Because I found you, my blood mate, and my body is only yours to command.”

“So what happened after I left?”

“Nothing. I swear to Temkra, you saw the worst of it. What I said to you, and tasting her blood. I kicked them both out not long after you left. I just had to make sure Baros forgot about you and wouldn’t go after you to retaliate against me.”

He looked at me again, eyes full of sorrow. “But there are no excuses for the hurt I caused you. I will always regret that, because my sole priority has been to make you feel safe. I broke your trust and I will never regret anything more.”

Emotions swirled through me so fast, I could hardly grasp any of them. But somehow I was able to wipe my tears and keep my composure.

“You made… an arrangement for an heir? What, like you were going to donate sperm or something?”

“Or something,” he echoed bitterly. “Humans call it an arranged marriage. It would have been a loveless union to cement allyship between our clans. Outside of producing an heir, there was no relationship expected between her and me.”

I shook my head in disbelief. That sounded nothing like the affectionate, romantic Novak I’d gotten to know.

“Why would you do something like that?”

“Because I thought it was my only option at the time,” he said. “The whole idea made me uncomfortable from the start, but Baros had been pushing it on me for months. Because of my clan’s name and all the speculation about Rathka’s Curse, I thought it was my only chance at some kind of family. A future.” Novak’s gaze held mine. “Until I started falling for you, and realized I could have something real.”

I broke eye contact, forcing myself to stay strong against the sadness in his eyes. “You never said a word to me about any of that.”

“I know. I should have. You deserved to know the truth. I just… thought I could handle it. Make it go away like it never existed so it wouldn’t affect our happiness.” He crossed his feet at the ankles, shoving his hands back into his pockets. “I also didn’t want you to worry about Inessa. I was never interested in her like I was with you, and I didn’t want you to think I was somehow… conflicted between two women. There was never any comparison in my mind. I only ever wanted you.” His head fell back, his gaze focused toward the ceiling. “I realize keeping this from you only made it so much worse. It’s my fault you walked in and saw that with no prior context. I wish more than anything that I could undo the whole stupid arrangement just so I could prevent the hurt I caused you.”

On a small level, I almost felt insulted. He thought I was so fragile and insecure that he couldn’t tell me about a loveless, political marriage he hadn’t wanted or even sought to consummate? At the same time, I had to acknowledge he was probably right. My crush on him was nearly all-consuming before we’d ever gotten physical. I would have been jealous if there was even a whiff of another woman in the picture. And if I had known what Inessa looked like? Yeah, I definitely would have been concerned.

“Have you slept with her before?” I asked.

“No,” he answered quickly, then got a hesitant look. “But?—”

“Oh, do go on.” I crossed my arms, facing him squarely.

“No, I didn’t mean… Nothing like that!” Novak brought his hands together and huffed out a quick breath. “Nothing romantic or sexual has ever occurred between Inessa and me. But she is working with Blood ‘til Dawn and me, indirectly, to dismantle Carpe Noctem. We’re trying to free a prisoner, among other things, but she and I are communicating through our household staff, strictly about these plans. She wants to escape her father, so Thorne and I have agreed to help her if she’ll help us.” Novak spread his hands. “That’s all. I’m never hiding anything from you again, so I’m just letting you know that she and I are in contact. Nothing more.”

“Okay, that’s good to know, I guess.” I rubbed my forehead, as if that would make all my feelings and thoughts make sense. “Why did you want to tell me all this?”

“So that you would know the truth,” he said. “So that you would know that my feelings for you never changed, even though I made terrible choices that made you believe otherwise. Whether you believe me or not, you are my blood mate and I will love you until my last breath.”

“The books,” I said, suddenly remembering. “What’s the deal with the books?”

He shrugged. “You love them. I thought you should have them.”

“Did you mark all of those excerpts with the tabs?”

“Yes.”

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