Page 17 of Fractured Souls

I know this isn't the time for joking, so I give him a minute. Prez being the president of the club means he doesn't get to be vulnerable very often, if at all.

First kills are always the worst, and they never leave you. It's like marking your soul and turning you into something else; you will never be the same.

I should know. My first was at fourteen. Why do you think they call me Blade?

ChapterSeven

Harley

It's about a week before Thanksgiving, which means I'll be doing a lot of cleaning around the house soon. Which also means being upstairs, so it's time to start thinking ahead about where to look for money, information, anything at all honestly.

I am on the bus on my way home. I don't think anyone will be home when I get there today, which means waiting outside, and it's freezing out. I stuffed an extra hoodie in my backpack when I left this morning, and I have a t-shirt on under the hoodie I'm wearing now.

After the bus drops me off, I decide to check the windows again to pass the time. As usual, they are locked, but I can see inside a few. One is Tabby's room. It looks like she keeps cash on her desk in a change jar, so that's good to know. The next window I can see in is an office. I can't see too much, but it looks like there’s a safe in the corner which I wouldn't be able to get into myself. But if I ever got the chance, I could go through the papers stacked on the desk.

The only other place I can see in is the slider, but it's a small gap the curtain doesn't cover, and there isn't too much to see. Ugh, this feels so useless, but I need to do something. I'm tired of not being able to do anything to change my situation.

When the beatings first started when I got put with Mother, I sobbed every day begging for it to stop. Then after a year or so, I gave up on that and shut down. I felt like the only way to survive then was to completely shut down and pretend I had no feelings at all. But now, I feel all those feelings bubbling up like I can’t keep them shoved down anymore.

But I refuse to let the full weight of my reality hit. I will not give Mother and Father that kind of power over me. So, I have to try to do something to get away.

I sit on the cement on the back patio and after about ten minutes I decide fuck it. I haven't been beaten in a few days. My body is healing up, so even if I do get caught, I should be fine. The worst that'll happen is they won't leave me alone outside anymore which is fine by me because it keeps getting colder. But I need to start testing boundaries and figuring out what I am going to do to get the fuck out of here.

I stand up and head towards the woods at the back of the yard. I try to make sure I keep in a straight line, so I don't get lost. After about what I think is thirty minutes, I finally reach a road. It goes left and right, but I know that right is going back into town. So that's a good start, but if it did take thirty minutes like I think it did, I need to head back now before I get caught. Next time, I'll run and start from the bus, so I have some more time.

I begin to make my way back and once I'm in sight of the house again, I hear a car door. My eyes widen, and I freeze for a second before getting my ass into gear and bolting towards the back patio. As I get closer, I see lights inside the house turn on, so I push with all I can and get up onto the patio, diving onto the cement, pretending I'm shivering so it makes sense for my heavy breathing.

Just as I land, the curtain flings open, and Mother opens the door and steps out. “You better not be passed out again!”

I raise my head and look at her. She motions for me to stand, so I do. She stands, blocking the slider so I can't walk inside and eyes me like she knows what I've been up to.

My heart beats faster, and it takes everything in me to stay calm and not give myself away. She reaches forwards and grabs a leaf off my hoodie and looks at it and then looks at me and raises a brow. I shrug and act like I'm not sure where it came from.

She glares at me. “I don't know what it is you're up to, but I will find out. You can't get away with anything, you stupid girl. I will always know. Get downstairs.”

She steps aside so I can pass, and I go inside and head downstairs. As soon as I reach the basement, I take my shoes and pants off before anyone comes down to put my cuff on. I take off my hoodie and that just leaves me in my panties and shirt, which goes down to right above my knees, so I grab my leggings and put them on too. Sometimes it gets cold down here at night.

A few minutes later, Father comes downstairs with two cans of food and sets them down, then locks my cuff on my ankle. He stares at me before clenching his fists and taking off upstairs. I have no idea what that was about. I've barely seen him these last two weeks. He hasn't even been home much that I know of.

I get as comfortable as I can and grab a can. It's always the pull tab cans, so today it's Chef Boyardee and peaches. I eat one now and save the other for later.

I soon get lost in my thoughts of what I'm going to do. I've got a total of $514 from pickpocketing, but it's not enough to last me very long. Still, I might soon run out of options and just need to go anyway. I might start keeping it in my bag, which is a risk, but if I ever need to run, it would be from school, and I wouldn't be able to come back and get the money.

Ryker, Cayden, and Grayson have started talking to me way more over the last two weeks. Well, Cade just growls and grunts mostly, but they seem to have decided to be my friends, which is odd, but I don't really mind. It'll just be sad when I have to run and leave them and Lex behind.

Speaking of Lex, she hates that I'm friends with the guys. She has gotten mad at me a few times but yet still comes around and is my friend, so I'm not sure what to do about that. I haven't really had friends. Mom homeschooled me, and she was my best friend, so I'm not too sure what I'm supposed to do or what's normal.

Ry asked me the other day about my voice and when I lost it and if I can speak at all, and I panicked. I had no idea what to do. I panicked so bad I almost passed out, but luckily Grayson helped me. He said I had a panic attack. I didn't know what that was, but I'm pretty sure I deal with them almost every day.

Which reminds me of the conversation Gray and I had today in math class.

It was after the panic attack that Gray told me a little bit about himself, “I grew up in a bad home. My oldest brother was killed when I was pretty young, and my parents blamed me for it, even though I now know it was not my fault at all. It brought on a lot of panic attacks. They would get pretty severe, and I had no one to help me through them. But I learned something through that time. When you find people who can help you, you should let them. Even if it's terrifying. You let them because there is nothing worse than fighting off hidden demons alone. Especially when those demons live in your head; they have a way of twisting everything around you, and you need someone else to untwist it for you.

“I tried to hide mine away and keep to myself. But it only made it worse. Harley, I'm telling you this because you have people too. You just have to choose to see them through the darkness and allow yourself to let your walls down.”

I had stared at him; it was the most he had ever said to me. I wrote,What if… those people you think can help you actually turn into even bigger monsters than the ones before or the ones in your head?

He sighed, “I can't answer that for you, but I can tell you that I know a couple of people who would ask how high if you asked them to jump.”

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