Page 24 of Fractured Souls

I grin, knowing he'll want to, and it'll piss off Ryker because he can't go drunk. Ryker goes to interject but I cut him off with a glare.

"No. You got drunk in the middle of the day and got into two fights. You're done for the day. Test me and you'll fight me. Sober." I glance at Rage and Sugar. "Prez, take the day off and figure your shit out. Sorry, but whatever this is, you need to clue in the people it affects or who can help. Sugar, be the VP and take care of prez. PROSPECTS, get the fuck outta here. You're on cleaning duty the rest of the day. You dumbasses know better than to get into fights. We all will meet bright and early tomorrow and discuss everything from today and anything else we need to talk about.

“Prez you can dish out my punishment for telling you what to do then. Let's go, Cade." I turn and walk out, making sure to slam the door. A grin comes over my face. See? I totally got this down. Fuck you, Dad.

ChapterTen

Ryker

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fucking, fuck shit. I really screwed up. I follow Gray as he leads me upstairs to our area where Noah, Cade, Gray and I all have rooms next to each other. We go inside my room, and Gray rounds on me as soon as I shut the door.

"What the fuck was that? Look, I get it, after all the shit with your dad and then your aunt right after, you have trust issues. But you can't do shit like that. Right now, Ryker, we are here strictly because of Noah. Yeah, Rage cares and sees us as his boys, but the club comes first. You think he won't boot you when you're eighteen for doing that? He will!" He flings his arms out wide and then turns away from me.

Shit, Gray never curses; he's pissed at me. And he called me Ryker not Ry. I can't even remember a time he's been this upset with me.

Panic takes over; I feel like the walls are caving in, and all I can hear is my dad in my head.

"You no good piece of shit."

"You'll never amount to anything, you stupid boy."

"You ruin everything and everyone around you."

"Your mother is sick because of you."

"No one likes you, boy. They all report back to me with everything you fail at.”

“You disappoint your friends by being this weak bitch.”

"You hurt me when I have to hurt you."

I feel myself hit the floor as my hands shake and my breathing is coming in uneven pants. Bright green eyes get level with my brown ones. I can see his lips moving, but I can't hear him. He grabs my arms and pulls me towards him and wraps his arms around me, holding me. It centers me. It brings me back down from the panic. Quiets my dad's voice. Brings me back to reality. I can hear him now.

"Breathe, Ry, breathe. It's okay, I'm here. You are everything. You are amazing. Just breathe, fight through it. I got you."

His words bring me so much peace, I take a deep breath, then scoot away from him until my back hits the door. Gray scoots back until his back is against the wall to my right. We just sit there in silence until he breaks it with the question I knew was coming.

"You need to talk it through, Ry. Everything. Why you really pulled that crap today and this panic attack. Eventually, Ry, if they get worse, we have to tell Noah, and he'll have to tell Rage. I know you don't want that, but if we don't get a handle on it, you'll have no choice."

I sigh and run a hand through my hair. I get what he's saying. It's dangerous in this world to have these kinds of episodes and have no one know about them. Especially when my triggers are all over the place. Gray may have pulled me out fast, but when he isn't around, they can last hours.

I'm frustrated but know I need to talk it out, and Gray will listen without judgment.

"Harley."

Gray looks over at me, waiting for me to continue. The fucker won't crack. He has the patience of a nun.

I let out a grunt and sigh again. "Fine. It's Harley. I just… we know what we are seeing. We know shit is happening, Gray. We saw it with each other. I don't know why, but I can't sit back and watch that continue for her. She's so goddamn beautiful and sweet. It's like a magnet, and hers is so strong that it's just pulling me right along. Then there's Cade, who is our brother and doesn't even talk to us but yet Harley unknowingly has pulled more words from him in the last two months than any of us have in years. I know you feel a pull too. I've seen you watch her, and you never show any signs of liking a girl, so don't deny it."

I take a deep breath, preparing myself to just get it all out now.

"Today… today I was pissed. You wouldn't tell me what the fuck happened with Rage last week, and I hate being in the dark, especially about people I feel it's my job to protect, and it really hit a nerve. Particularly because, well, you know my aunt and dad. We also haven't seen Harley since last Thursday. That alone sends chills down my spine for what it could mean. Then they decide to go there and not even take one of us! I don't like being out of control, brother. I want to see her with my own eyes to make sure she's okay. I can't just walk away. I know I don't even know her but Gray, I know somewhere deep inside my dead soul that she belongs here. With me, with us, with the club.

“So today I thought a few shots would help. Then it turned into a bottle. I know I don't have my anger under control yet, so drinking on top of my anger didn't do me any good, and those damn fucking prospects wouldn't shut up about stupid shit and one made a comment about us being sucked in by some tight pussy and he wanted a turn and I just flipped out."

"Ry…" he says in a soft voice. I glance up and make eye contact with him. "It's not just your anger you don't have under control. It's your emotions and, well, everything honestly." He gives me a small smirk.

That asshole. I kick him with my foot, then move to stand up.

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