Page 43 of Fractured Souls

I move to stand, but she grabs my hand. I flinch hard and bite the inside of my cheek to keep the yelp from coming out. She lets go right away and pulls her hands up, showing she won’t harm me.

“No, hun, wait. I don't mean that you have to go, and you are always welcome here. Let's just take a breath, okay? No calling anyone, but I will need you to talk to me soon. I'll give you a few days so you can see that you can trust me. I helped your mama out of some bad things. I will always be here for you too.” She sniffles and quickly wipes under her eyes. “Sorry, I'll let you rest. The house is open to you. You are welcome anywhere and can help yourself to anything in the kitchen. The bathroom is right across the hall. Where were you staying before here?”

I tell her the motel name, and her eyes go wide with shock.

“Oh my. Well, give me the key and I'll ask Lincoln to go over and get your things and return the key.”

I nod and hand it over, not really wanting to let someone else go get my things, but I’ve done and said enough. I don’t want to push it and risk her getting mad. She leaves the room and tells me to rest as much as I’d like and let her know if I need anything.

She wants me to tell her everything, and I don't think I can do that. I head to the bathroom and take a really long, hot shower.

I feel like my mind is closing off. Like walls are building so high that I can't see over them. It's like every emotion I've hid or buried over the last few years wants to come out. I can't handle that, so up the walls go. I go back to my room. I should go eat since it's been a while, but the thought of food right now makes me want to puke.

So instead, I curl up on the bed and stare out the window until the sun rises the next day.

Then, I don’t move. I stay curled up staring at the window. I don't know how long I stay. I eventually get up to go pee, and Brielle tries to get me to go downstairs and eat, but I tell her I'm not hungry and go get back in bed. It's just so comfy; who would want to leave it?

I saw Lincoln once. He came in and sat with me, but his pitying looks were too much, and I lashed out at him. I didn't mean to, but when I looked at him and saw his sad, sympathetic eyes, I started screaming at him that I didn't need his pity. I don't make eye contact with anyone now. I don't want to see the looks of sorrow and understanding from anyone. They will never get it.

Brielle comes in and checks on me a lot. She brings me food and tries to get me to eat, or come out, or just talk. She comes in and talks about her life sometimes. Working as a nurse, what she likes to do, her friendship with Lincoln, who goes by Linc, and her friendship with two other guys, Atlas and Ryan.

I listen to it all but don’t move or respond. I get up and go to the bathroom to pee. When I'm done, I turn around and dry heave into the toilet.

I feel hands pull my hair back. “Honey, you need to eat something. Please, just crackers at least, okay? Please, I need you to try.” I can hear her voice breaking, and I know she has tears in her eyes.

I nod just so she'll stop and leave me alone. She exhales and then gets up and leaves. I go climb back in bed and a few minutes later, she comes in with water and crackers. I drink and eat, but it feels like sandpaper in my throat as it goes down. She smiles weakly at me, and I quickly look away.

“Maybe a shower? That might make you feel better. It's been three days now that you've been in here. Maybe we should go walk the beach?”

I finally look into her eyes and rasp, “I don't want to go to the beach. I don't want to go to a place my mom loved that now she can't love. I don't want to do anything. I've fought for three years and now that I don't need to, I'm wondering why I ever did to begin with. I should've given up a long time ago. It would've been easier on everyone. I don't know what to do now. Nor do I want to do a damn thing.” I spit out the last word.

I know I'm hurting her; I can see it on her face. She doesn't know what to do or how to help.Guess what? Me fucking either.

She stands. “I'll give you some space. Come down when you're ready.” She smiles sadly and leaves.

I curl back up on the bed and stare out the window. I feel hollow; I have no tears. Nothing to let out. I'm just an empty shell wondering why I fought so hard to get away in the first place.

* * *

Brielle

I walk out of her room and slowly pull her door closed. I lean against the wall next to her door and let silent tears fall down my face. How do I help her? I’ve never felt so helpless.I'm so sorry, Lil, I'm failing you.I can't help but let the thought in. I'm failing her. Lilian would never let her daughter end up like this. It’s been days and she hasn’t left the bed unless it's to use the bathroom.

Linc comes up the stairs and sees me. He looks at me like he can read every feeling and thought I'm having, and he probably can by now. He's been my friend for ten years. He comes over, scoops me up bridal style, and carries me downstairs. I'd usually protest being manhandled, but right now, I need his comfort.

We get downstairs, and he sets me on the couch and plops down next to me. I look over at him. “What do I do, Linc? That girl is… she's broken, and I don't say that lightly. Lilian thought she was broken, but she wasn't. But Harley? She's shattered. There is no life in her eyes, Linc. I can't even imagine what she has been through. I want to know. But I can't force her to talk, and I can't get her help when we don't know if she's in danger.”

Linc sighs, "I know, Bri, I get it. I think we should give her some more time. I just… I think whatever happened to her, she's kept it all bottled up and has been alone for who knows how long. It seems that you may be the first person that brought her any form of safety, allowing her to let those walls down. You've told me about Lilian, and I think she'd be proud of you and so glad that her little girl found you. Based on just what Harley said about her mom telling her stories, you were important to her."

I feel tears trickling down my face. "I can't believe she's gone, I always thought when she had to leave here that everything would get better. I did everything I could to help her. She was so scared, Linc, but she never ever thought to do anything but fight for the little one she was growing. I just don't know how to get Harley to see she has the same fight. She just doesn't know it."

"She was fighting for the baby, Bri. She had something she knew she had to protect, and she was willing to do anything for Harley. Harley gave Lilian a reason to fight." He sighs, "Harley needs to find it in her to want to get better. To know that life isn't always this hard. She needs you to hold her hand and not give up on her, because I think she is waiting for the other shoe to drop or you to turn your back on her. Someone has done a number on that girl, but she is not shattered, Bri, she is broken and needs to put her pieces back together. I will keep coming by too and show her she has more than one person here. Hopefully sometime soon she'll trust us enough to open up so we can help, and she can truly see she is not alone now."

He looks at me like he knows I'll hate what he says next. "Well, if we really need to, we can always let Atlas come talk to her." My eyes go wide, and he laughs. "I'm kidding… For now. He may be a scary son of a bitch, but he means well. You know he'd help in a heartbeat. But I won't push it… Yet."

I roll my eyes. Atlas is terrifying. He can be brutal and mean, but he does mean well. He helped me through a rough time about five years ago. He was not nice, to put it lightly, but he helped me look at things with a new perspective. I'll be forever grateful to him. I hope we don't need his help with Harley, and she'll come out of this and let Linc and I help. Unfortunately, things don't always go the easy way.

* * *

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