Page 48 of Fractured Souls

So instead, I take a deep breath, stand, and hug her and we both cry.Holy shit, I didn't realize how much I've missed and needed a good hug. I never want to let go.

After we pull ourselves together, we sit back down at the table and Linc brings in some food and water. He kisses my head and whispers, “I'm so incredibly proud of you. You are beyond strong, Harley.”

There are so many emotions swarming in my head that I want to shut down. Before I can, Atlas starts talking, “Don't close us out, Harley. You just did something amazing. Now is when the real fight begins. You need to control the feelings. As soon as Brielle gives the okay, I want you to come to the gym. I can help with the rage, but remember you need to focus on something that'll help. Let everything you’re feeling fuel you to be better.”

I nod and let the tears fall. Thinking over everything in my head, I excuse myself and head upstairs and take a really long shower. I hear them whispering as I leave, but I don’t even bother trying to listen. I need a break.

Thinking about this shit is not easy. Especially when, in the end, there are more questions than answers. I know Tammy is up to some shady shit. I have a feeling she is more involved with my mom's death than I thought and that she had something to do with how it ended.

When I get out of the shower, I wipe the mirror off so I can see through the steam and stare at myself. I stare at my scar, at how exhausted and horrible I look. My eyes are red and puffy with huge bags underneath them. I'm also thinner than before. My body doesn't feel any stronger even though it hasn't been a punching bag for someone in weeks. I feel… pathetic.

That's when I decide. Looking at this sad, pathetic person I've become, that's when I decide how to take back control of my life. It's simple really, it's the next step. Find answers.

And more than that, get revenge.

ChapterEighteen

Harley

It's now been almost a week since I told Brielle, Linc, and Atlas about my mom's death. I surprisingly feel a little lighter after being able to talk about it and cry over it. That night, Brielle and I sat down and watched one of my mom’s favorite movies, The Notebook. We cried and then laughed about us crying. It was… incredible. I felt like I had a piece of me given back that day.

There is still so much pain, sadness, and anger inside me, but I also just feel like I can breathe a little easier.

I've been trying to eat more, but it's slow going because of the fact that I've spent three years not eating a lot. Brielle said my stomach has shrunk and it will take time to work it back up to be able to eat enough food for a day. She did ask me about what has happened over the last three years, but I shut down, not being able to talk about it. She said she would give me more time. But I don't know if I'll ever be ready to talk about it.

After I had told them everything about my mom’s death and found out that it was said it was an electrical fire, I couldn't help myself and looked it up. The article I had found was short. It just said that there was an electrical fire due to old wiring and my mom was home alone. She was unable to get out of the house in time and unfortunately died.

It mentioned nothing about me. As if I never existed. I can’t help but wonder if Tammy had something to do with that. Especially since she always said she had connections. Were those connections law enforcement? How could she just make me disappear?

I'm currently sitting on a couch in the living room. No one is home right now. Brielle had to work today, and Linc is at the gym working. He said he'd be here as soon as he was done. They don't really like leaving me alone for long periods of time. I opened up the big sliding doors so I can hear and smell the ocean. I’m sitting here staring at it trying to tell myself I can go out there.

After that first day, I was so excited to feel sand, and then I immediately realized that it was heartbreaking for me, and not long after I shut down for over two weeks. I know that wasn't the main cause, it was just part of my breaking point.

But I'm terrified to go out again. Brielle told me to wait for her and she'll do it with me when I'm ready, but I feel like I need to just do this by myself.

But instead of stepping outside after I opened the doors, I sat down and have been listening to the light waves of the ocean. I can't keep letting things get to me, and this is an easy one to overcome.It has to be.This can be turned into a good memory, knowing my mom was out here sixteen years ago, looking at the same view, going through hard times. Fuck, I have to do this. My leg bounces, and my hands are shaking. It shouldn't feel this fucking scary. It's just sand.Just sand? Right…

I stand up and very slowly head out the doors onto the huge deck. From the deck are stairs going straight down to the sand, and I walk down them at a snail’s pace. When I reach the bottom, I take a deep breath, look up to the sky, and say, “Mom, I really hope you’re here with me.”

I take the last step off and feel the sand on the bottom of my feet. Tears burn the backs of my eyes, and this time I let them fall. No more holding it all in. I can do this. I can learn to control them in a healthy way.

I take a few slow steps and then stop. God, this is ridiculous! It's sand. It's not a bomb that’s going to go off. It's not any of my demons. It's something my mom loved; it's something my mom always told me stories about. I steel my spine and make myself keep walking, letting the tears fall as I let a memory surface.

“Hmm, want me to tell you another story, baby?”

I nod my head like a lunatic; I love my mom's stories. “Yes! But it has to be about the princess! She's my favorite.”

Mom laughs. It's a sight I never want to forget, her head tossed back, a huge smile on her face, and her eyes shining with love as she looks at me. “Well, luckily, Princess Brielle is my favorite too. I could tell you stories about her every day. This time, I'm going to tell you about a time when the girl who Princess Brielle saved got really, really sad, so she went down the beach and sat in the sand.

“She was feeling really lost, but then the princess came down to where she was and asked her if she had ever built a sandcastle. The girl hadn't, so Princess Brielle said we must! The girl thought princesses can't get dirty, and they most certainly can't build their own castles! But Princess Brielle was so much more than a princess; she was a warrior too, and warriors can do absolutely anything they set their minds to! So the girl and the princess started building a sand castle.

“They made it so big that it was as tall as they were! They were so proud of it, but also so dirty! They went inside and cleaned up, and when they came back to see their sandcastle, there was a storm coming. Well, not even an hour later, the storm came and took the castle away. It got swept up into the water along with rain pelting down on it. The girl was sad. She said that's just her luck! Make something beautiful and the world ruins it. But you know what the princess said?”

I shake my head, eager to hear the rest.

“She said the most beautiful things are created in the midst of a storm. Do you know what that means?”

I shake my head again. “No, Mom, what does it mean?”

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