Page 49 of Fractured Souls

“Well, it means that the girl and the princess spent a lot of time and work building the castle and then it was torn down by the weather so that the earth could make something even more beautiful.” She whispers the next part, “A rainbow.”

I smile. “I love rainbows!”

“Me too, baby. Want to know what my rainbow is? What the earth brought me after the storm?”

I nod, bouncing up and down. “Yes! Tell me! I need to know!”

She laughs. “Well, silly girl, my rainbow was you. Harley Brielle St. James. You were the rainbow after my storm, and you shine for me every single day.” She kisses my nose and whispers again, “The end.”

Mom says it's time for bed and sits with me like she does every night until I fall asleep. Before I drift off, I ask, “Mom, can I be a warrior, too? What if I want to be a warrior and not a princess?”

Mom doesn't answer right away and as I drift off into dreamland, I hear, “Baby girl, you are a princess because you have a big heart and are kind. You are also a warrior because you are brave and strong. I hope there never comes a day where you have to fight, but if you do, I know deep in my soul that you will be okay, because you, my baby, are so much stronger than I could ever be."

I smile as I draw closer to the water, letting the tears fall as I finally grieve my mom. As I let myself feel the full force of what I went through. Of how I survived, of the guilt I feel for not staying with her. Everything. I decide while my mind stays on the grief that I need to also build my first sandcastle. I get to work building away with some buckets and things Brielle has on the deck.

I'm about halfway done when I hear someone say my name. I glance up at the deck and see Brielle, wide-eyed with tears running down her face. She comes down to me and just stares. I can see all the questions in her eyes, so I decide to answer a few.

“Do you want to know how I knew you even existed?” She looks at me confused but nods. “Well, my mom never actually told me about you. But ever since I was a baby, she told me stories before bed. A lot of them had to do with Princess Brielle of Virginia Beach. The stories all centered around a princess who was also a warrior who saved this girl who was lost and broken.” I smile sadly at her. “I took a chance that they were all based on real stories. That the girl was my mom, and you were real.”

I take a deep breath. Here goes nothing. I'm opening myself up.

“You saved her, you know? I know now that I kept her alive, I gave her something to fight for. But you? You saved her. I don't know why, but you did, and you're doing it again now, with me. You don't even know my story, and you've let me into your home. You've let me turn your world upside down and still have shown me more love and affection than I've seen in three years.”

By now Brielle has picked up a bucket and is helping me finish the castle.

She murmurs, “I knew your mama when I was little. We went to school together, but then I moved here after my mom died. My dad remarried really fast, and he lost himself to his grief and drowned himself in alcohol. His new wife… she was, well, she was awful. I struggled for many years and was trapped in a bad situation. So when I got out, and your mom had just happened to find me, I knew I'd do anything for her, and for you. To keep you guys from going through even a fraction of what I went through. Little did I know that Lilian had been through even worse.

“When you showed up, I was shocked. I had no idea what was happening, but I saw the look in your eyes. I heard what Linc said about seeing you in the store, and I knew I'd do whatever it took to keep you safe. Not only for your mama, but for you too. She was my family, and so were you. I loved you like a niece before you were even born, and I have wished for sixteen years that I could've seen you grow up. I know the circumstances now are god awful, but I am glad to have you here. I love you just as much as I loved Lilian. I see so much of her in you. It breaks my heart and heals it all at the same time.”

I stop building, letting the tears fall. I walk to Brielle and take the bucket from her hands, then take her hands in mine. Shocking us both since I’ve never initiated touch with anyone since I came here.

I look at her. “Bri.” She grins at me finally using the nickname. “Would you like to know my full name? I never really truly understood why I was named what I am, and I still don’t. But now, one part of my name makes so much sense, and I will yell it from the rooftops and carry it with pride.”

Bri nods her head. “Your mom never got the chance to tell me your name, but she told me it was meaningful.”

I smile, feeling great pride in getting to tell her this, knowing my mom up above is smiling down at this moment like it was meant to be. “Harley Brielle St. James.”

Her eyes widen before she breaks out into huge sobs. I pull her to me and hug her, not letting go. Feeling my own tears fall down my cheeks as we both grieve the loss of a beautiful soul that was taken from us too soon.

After a few minutes, I feel another set of arms wrap around both of us and look up to see Linc with tears in his eyes. He must have heard. I can tell from the look on his face. He holds both of us as we cry, resting his head on top of ours.

* * *

A few days pass and it feels like my life might be kind of normal for once. I've started helping Bri around the house with things. She also tried to teach me how to cook, and to say I suck is an understatement. I’m pretty sure I should not be left alone in the kitchen, and by Bri’s perplexed facial expression, she thinks the same thing but is too nice to tell me.

There have been a few times that she has brought up where I came from, who I was living with, and what happened, but I shut her down. I'm trying not to be rude, and it's not her fault, but I don't want to talk about it. I'm not ready. But if she doesn't stop pushing, I think I might blow, and I really don't want to lash out at Bri.

The cup I was drying hits the counter a little harder than I intended with these thoughts in my head, and it shatters and pieces go flying all over. “Fuck!”

I feel like my blood is boiling under my skin. I keep getting angry like this from even thinking about everything that has happened. I can't control it. It's just this intense rage; it feels all-consuming and like if I don't lash out, I'll explode. I should be aiming this at Tammy, not Bri. But it's not like I can just go show up there and scream at her no matter how badly I want to. I scoff at myself, You wouldn't. You'd freeze and be weak and submit to her ways.That thought pisses me off more than anything else does.

Bri comes into the kitchen and freezes, taking in the sight of me looking pissed with broken glass all over and grabbing the broom to come clean it up.

I take a few steps back, but before I can leave to try and calm myself down, she says, “Wait. I, uh, I want to talk to you about something. I've been putting it off because I think it's a bad idea. Okay, scratch that. I think it's a bad idea because it's not something I could ever do, but I think you need to.” She runs a hand down her face and sighs. “You're getting healthier, and you have no more lingering injuries. Atlas has offered to take you to the gym and help with the anger and grief you feel and to learn self-defense. I don't fully agree, but I can't keep watching you suffer like this.

“You are doing so much better, but even I can see the anger at the surface ready to explode at any second. I know you're trying to contain it, and I appreciate that more than you know. I don't do well with anger, but I don't want that to ever stop you from coming to me if you need me.” She exhales. “Okay, anyways, enough of my rambling. I think you’re ready.” She pauses, then grimaces. “I mean, if you want to. It's completely up to you. No one is forcing you to do anything.”

“I think it's a great idea, and I really want to. Thank you, Bri.”

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