Page 5 of Fractured Souls

My hands start to shake, and I feel like I can't drag in a full breath. I think I'm suffocating. I can't focus, and my vision is going blurry. I can’t breathe; everything is all too much. After who even knows how long, I collapse onto the concrete floor and start sobbing so hard my body hurts and begins shaking uncontrollably.

Damn it! Get it together, you stupid girl! This is probably all your fault. Maybe you're crazy? Who feels like they are dying just from pacing? Who breaks down like a weak bitch? This is insane! Why won't they just kill me?

I'm not strong enough for this. I can't handle it. I'm weak, I'm alone. I need my mom again.

My breathing is coming out in sharp pants. It hurts so bad to breathe.

I can't handle this anymore.

And just as that thought crosses my mind, everything starts going black, and I can't help but let that darkness take over.

ChapterThree

Harley

When I wake up, I'm still in a ball in the middle of the floor. I slowly sit up and try to stretch out, but everything hurts. I must have passed out. God, I really am crazy. I feel like I'm losing it. It's like some days I find a new sense of power somewhere in me to want to fight and survive, but then other days, like today, I feel so beat down that I don't know why I keep trying.

What's the point? Why am I trying to live when I don't even know how to get out of this situation? What's their end goal? I just have so many questions and no answers.

I drag myself up and onto my bed. My body hurts, but at the same time, I feel half numb to the pain. I'm so used to having cuts, bruises, marks, and being forced into water that it doesn't bother me as much as it used to.

Sometimes I just wish I could talk to my mom again and that she could give me some direction. It was just her and I for thirteen years. She was who I spent most of my time with, and I don't know how I am supposed to live without her. It's been three years, but I feel like I haven't had a chance to stop and think about it or talk to anyone about her. Any time I have mentioned her name around here, I've been beaten black and blue for it.

I may have gotten away, but my mom didn't. She died, and I know the men who… I shudder thinking about that day. I know they had to have killed her. But it was brushed off so easily. I want to know what happened. The truth. Which I am not likely to get here.

I wish that I knew who my dad was. Maybe he'd have answers. But since my mom never wanted to talk about my dad for whatever reason, I used to come up with these crazy fairytales when I was little. I remember playing and making the knight save the princess. The knight always ended up being my dad. I had a good childhood. I loved my mom so much, but I wish I had my dad around. Now more than ever do I wish he was around. Although, now that I'm older, I can't help but wonder why mom wouldn't have told me about him.

Is he a bad man?Don't go there, Harley.It's so easy to spiral down that path when I ended up with Mother. My mom never told me about her either. Is that because all of these people are bad? I think I'll just let the child in me wish and have hope for her knight in shining armor.

As I lay on my bed trying to get somewhat comfortable so I can try to nap, I prepare myself for the onslaught of bad dreams that always come, only this time, they don't.

It's dark. It feels like a tunnel almost. There is a light breeze blowing my crazy hair in my face. I push it aside to look around. What the fuck? Where am I? Is this real?

“No, my baby, this isn't real. You are dreaming.” That voice…

"M-mom?” I sob, feeling my knees give out, but before I can hit the floor, a gust of wind pushes me back to standing. When I open my eyes, I see the most beautiful sight I have ever seen: my mom.

“Oh, my baby girl, your poor face. I am so sorry you got a scar from my lack of preparedness.” She has tears in her eyes and reaches forward, but her hand just goes right through me.

I feel tears falling down my cheeks. I want to hug her. This isn't fair. I feel like I'm being taunted.

“Oh, I know it feels awful. But it will be okay. You will survive. You must remember everything I have taught you. You remember all the stories I told you? Be strong, Harley. Don’t give up. You are so much stronger than I ever was, and you will get to the other side of this. You will conquer and come out stronger. My beautiful soul, my warrior princess, you are not shattered like me. You, my baby, you are only fractured.”

“Mom, I don’t think, I just… there are so many things I want to say,” I say on a choked sob. I never want this to end.

“I don't want it to end either. Our time is up, though. I love you to the moon, baby girl.”

“Wait! You're supposed to say to the moon and back.”

She gives me a sad smile, and then everything fades away.

I wake with a jolt, sitting up in bed quickly. Mother is standing by my bed with a stack of clothes. She drops them on me. “Here, you lazy shit, clothes for school. You better be ready for tomorrow,” she sneers before walking out.

I slump back down on the bed, rubbing my hand over my chest where an empty ache seems to be. It felt like my dream was so real, but yet it's fading so fast, I can't remember what it was about. I brush off the weird feeling; it was probably another nightmare. I should be happy not to remember it.

I slowly sit back up and look down at the pile of clothes. I'm not ready for that yet, so I get up and slowly make my way to the tiny bathroom to pee and clean up a little.

Maybe this could be a good thing. It might not be so bad. School means leaving the house alone. Maybe I could come up with a plan to get away from here. But I'll have to be smart about it.

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