Page 24 of Healing Souls

My heart seems to skip a beat for a second as I truly take him in. Ruffled dirty clothes, dark bags under his eyes, his hair a mess and dirty, and he sounded so broken… No.

“No. You don’t get to do that. You, you are trash. You don’t deserve any of these people around here giving you the time of day. You don’t deserve the people I care about telling me to hear you out, because you had to get in their heads with whatever bullshit you spewed. My mom. She was my mom!” I scream on a sob.

I have to find it in me to lock down my emotions like I used to as I would endure hours on end of beatings.Don’t cry in front of him.

I shake my head, trying to get those feelings to go away. “My mom was a beautiful, kind person. She deserved all the love in the world, and you and your filthy club destroyed her! You broke her! You. Are. A. Rapist.” I spit the last word, feeling myself vibrating with rage.

He nods. Fucking nods. I watch as tears glisten in his eyes.What the fuck.“You’re right.” His voice cracks. “You are right. Every single word.”

“Rage—” Atlas hesitates, which makes me glance over, realizing Linc isn’t here, but Atlas still is. He watches Gabriel seriously, his eyes full of concern.

“No,” Rage says, not taking his eyes off me as I look back at him. “She’s right. I’m a rapist. I did something awful. Your mom was a beautiful person who deserved nothing she got.” He smiles sadly. “I think you might be the one thing that came out of her childhood that made her think it was okay, though. I am so glad she had you.”

His words only serve to piss me off more. “Stop that! You didn’t know her! You don’t know her. Don’t talk about her like you do!”

My entire body feels like a bomb moments away from exploding. Part of me wants to soften at what he just said, and the other part wants to fly across this table and beat the living shit out of him.

My mom was stolen from me. Hurt in front of me. I had to leave her. I left her and she died. For three years, I didn't grieve her. Three fucking years. Then I find out how bad her life was and realize that she didn’t get to suffer and grieve what happened to her because she had me to pretend to be okay for.

Everything we both have been through is so irrevocably unfair, and I am fucking sick of people taking things from us.

“I know.” That’s it. That’s all he says.

“You don’t deserve to breathe,” I say with as much venom as I can muster.

I hear Atlas suck in a breath behind me, but I don’t take my eyes off him, wanting to see everything he is showing. Any cracks in his demeanor.

His face drops. It’s like he was holding onto some tiny glimmer of hope and now it’s gone. He looks… fucking devastated. No. He can’t be. This is his fault.Right?Gabriel reaches behind him and pulls a gun from the waistband of his pants, but before I can flinch or react, he has it laying on the coffee table in front of me… aimed at himself.

“I can’t sit here and tell you what I did was okay. It wasn’t. And you’re right, I don’t deserve to breathe. I would never wish for you to take someone’s life, but I also won’t tell you that you can’t take mine. Either way, I need you to know that I do love you. You’re my kid. I see it in you right now, clear as day. I see your mom, too. I know you don’t want to hear me say that, but it’s true. I wish things could be different, but I don’t know what else to do. The decision is yours.” He shrugs.

Before I am even thinking it through, the gun is in my hand, safety off, aimed right at his head. Atlas takes a step towards me. “Harls…” he says carefully.

But I don’t even look at him. I can feel tears trickling down my cheeks as I stare into Gabriel’s eyes. This is what I wanted. Why am I not pulling the trigger? My finger doesn’t move as the seconds tick on like minutes. Never ending as my soul cracks even more than it already has.

This is supposed to heal me. Why is my finger not moving?

Why does this no longer feel like healing?

I feel a presence next to me, his smell alone dragging my eyes to his. Leather and soft Irish spring. Ryker. He is standing right next to me. Atlas is a few steps to his right and behind them, Grayson and Bri are standing at the entrance to the living room. Bri’s eyes are wide and welling with tears, and Grayson looks shocked.

Ryker though, Ryker looks at me with understanding. I move my eyes back to him, and he gifts me with his beautiful, full smile, causing both of his dimples to pop out.

“Oh, little flame, how we are so similar.” My brows furrow, not understanding the sentiment behind his words. He leans in closer to me. “I killed my father.” His smile drops when I suck in a breath, and he nods. “He deserved it. There is not a day that goes by that I regret it. I would do it again tomorrow.”

Atlas mumbles something under his breath that I don’t hear.

Ryker continues, “But, little flame, there also isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish I would have handled it differently. That I wish I would’ve not let my darkness consume me so quickly and taken a few minutes first.”

He brings his hand up to rest on my arm that is still holding the gun aimed at Gabriel.

“You don’t want to do this. I’m not telling you because I am on Rage’s side or because he wants me to say it.” How does he know that’s where my thoughts are? “I am saying it because I am on your side, and you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if you didn’t get answers first. I’m not saying you’ll decide to love him or even like him. You can still hate him. But I think you’ll hate yourself even more if you don’t listen first.”

He puts light pressure on my arm, and I allow it, slowly lowering the gun. He takes it from my hand and puts the safety on before placing it on the coffee table.

My mind seems frozen. No thoughts coming or going. I’m confused. I’m… I’m not sure. All I do know is that Ryker’s words moved right through me, and I trust them. I trust every word he says, as fucking insane as that is.

He nudges me towards the other side of the couch. With it being a large sectional, we end up sitting on the opposite end from Gabriel, with Ryker taking a seat on my left. Grayson comes over and sits next to him while Atlas leads Bri towards me. Bri takes a seat next to me, with Atlas next to her.

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