Page 26 of Healing Souls

I nod. She’s right. She doesn’t need to picture her mom in that light. But that does mean that Brielle got the full story. I look in her eyes as she cries, and my heart aches from the onslaught of memories from that day. Damn it, Lilian.

Chapter Seven

Harley

WatchingGabrielgetlostin a memory is something I understand fully. After all, it has happened to me frequently.

I squeezed Ryker’s hand as we all allowed Gabriel a few minutes to breathe before finishing. A part of me hurts for him. I know he isn’t telling us everything, which is okay. But I can only imagine what he’s been through.

Brielle had told me about him being in love with Tammy and I had just thought that meant Tammy was involved with Gabriel raping my mom, but now my thoughts are confusing.

Did my mom deserve what happened to her? No.

But did Gabriel, either?

No…

So, who is to blame for all of this? Who is to blame for me? How could my mom show me so much love and affection for thirteen years? How can Gabriel tell me he loves me after only having met me just this week?

He can’t. No one can truly love me. Look where I come from. I am a walking, talking, breathing reminder of a horrible thing that happened.

“Harley.” I look over and see Grayson leaning over Ryker with a soft smile on his face. “It’s okay to want a different outcome now. It’s okay to change your mind. Don’t hold onto your anger because you don’t know how to let go of it. Go to him. I think he needs you, and I think you might need him more than you realize.”

I stare at his perfectly beautiful face and bright green eyes saying nothing. He’s right. I wouldn’t know how to let go of my anger even if I tried, but he was wrong about where my mind went. Although, no one needs to know those thoughts.

I glance back at Gabriel, who looks absolutely broken.Just try, Harley.I take a deep breath. Either way, I want to know what happened. I need to understand better. I stand up but don’t release Ryker’s hand. I look down at our still clasped hands, then meet his gaze with pleading eyes. He chuckles and stands up, walking with me to the other side of the sectional.

I sit down next to Gabriel with Ryker right next to me. My lifeline. I gently rest my hand on Gabriel’s arm, trying to breathe through the anger I feel towards him along with all the other confusing emotions in me.

He raises his eyes and looks at me, and I release a small gasp at the absolute torment showing in his eyes. This is something he needs to heal. He needs to tell it. But he needs me to accept it and not hate him. The way I understand that on such a deep level makes all the anger that’s been building since I found out about him slowly evaporate from me.

I need the same thing from someone I can’t get it from. My mom. I ran, I left her there, and she died.Don’t think about that right now, Harley.

Instead, I stand up straighter. “Tell me what happened to my mom.”

He nods and doesn’t break eye contact. “The fights began. The winner would get… would get Lilian. I promised her I would win and do what I could to be gentle or stop it. I lied to her when I said I would try to stop it. There was no possible way for me to stop it without a lot of bad things happening. So I beat the shit out of the other prospects and won. She didn’t know it was me then, and I did everything I could to take care of her, but it was hard when my father was right there watching. I got beat afterwards for showing too much care while…” He takes a shaky breath. “In my father’s eyes, women were nothing but toys.”

We just sit there in silence. I can hear Brielle sniffle as she cries for her friend. There are still so many questions, but I don’t think I can ask any of them or even accept answers to them right now as I look at Gab… my dad and see how affected he is by all of this.

All I wanted was to seek revenge for my mom. For the things she suffered. But what about him? When does he get to heal from the dark cloud that has been hovering over him for years?

Everything seems to hit me as I sit here staring at him. My eyes burn with unshed tears that are threatening to fall and blur my vision. The dam breaks in seconds at his words and cascade down my cheeks, the weight of my actions becoming a flood, pulling me under its salty waves.

Gabriel shakes his head in despair. “I am so, so sorry, Harley. I can’t tell you I take it back anymore, that I would go back and not have it happen because then I wouldn’t have you. I have hated with everything in me that it happened, but knowing that you’re alive now, that you weren’t killed… I can’t regret it anymore. I can only hope your mom would forgive me because it brought us you.”

I feel arms wrap around me as I sob. I don’t know how long it lasts or how I ended up in my bed, but next thing I know, my eyes are closing as I drift off to sleep. My body too exhausted to keep my eyes open any longer.

I wake up slowly, feeling hot and sticky, realizing I have no idea when I showered last. The need to pee makes me get moving quickly only to kick someone’s legs as I try to get up.What the fuck?

Ryker’s half-asleep voice sounds from next to me, “Lay back down, Harley.”

“Can’t. Need to pee.” I move so I am standing on the bed and then jump over him, landing on the floor easily.

Fuck, probably shouldn’t have done that with stitches in. My body does ache, but it doesn’t feel too bad right now. I have definitely felt worse. I glance back at the bed and see Grayson and Ryker both sleeping on either side of where I was laying.

The need to pee overtakes any panic I can feel about having just slept in the same bed as not one, but two very attractive guys and I dart from the room in search of the bathroom.

I head into the one across the hall, quickly peeing. Luckily, the door was open, so I knew easily which one was the bathroom. When I finish and wash my hands, I look at my reflection and wince. I look horrible. My eyes are puffy and bloodshot, and my hair is a tangled, greasy disaster. I’m still in the same pants I wore when I came here and the t-shirt someone put on me after I was shot.

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