Page 42 of Healing Souls

“You’reonedge,Harls.They have a gym here. Why don’t you use it?”

I roll my eyes at Atlas. I came out here to say goodbye, and he almost immediately pulled me to the side. “Thanks for telling me something I already know,” I retort.

Atlas sighs and grips my shoulders, looking down at me with his all-knowing eyes. “You are beyond your age in many, many ways, but when it comes to your emotions, you’re still a teenager. You have more on your plate than anyone your age should. And right now, you have to make a huge decision that will change the rest of your life, and no one can help you make it. So, listen to me when I say that you need to be using the things we have taught you since you came to us.”

I give a jerky nod but say nothing. What do I say to that?Hey, I know I fucked up, but I really hope you still love me because I think I love you all more than anything.

Atlas stares at me for a moment longer before releasing me and standing up straight again. Brielle stands to the side of him with Linc’s arm wrapped around her shoulder. My eyes narrow on it; I have seen them close and touchy, but this seems… it seems like so much more than that.

Bri steps away from Linc and approaches me slowly. She offers me a smile I can’t seem to return. Giving me a tight hug, she whispers in my ear, “I don’t know what to do. I have no idea what the right thing to do here is. I am trying to trust. I am trying, honey.

“All I want to do is wrap you up and hide you away. Protect you from the evils of life. You’ve been through enough.” She pulls back slightly to look at me in the eyes. “Enough is enough. Find your peace. I know you want to chase down all these people who have done you wrong, but by doing that, you may lose yourself. That’s not worth it. It never will be. Please, put yourself first. I think you have something you need here. But you have to let yourself see it.” She kisses my forehead. “I love you, Harley.”

“I love you too,” I whisper. It took me a while to work up to allowing Bri to touch me. The only time I really let the guys touch me was when we were at the gym. There were a few times Linc would initiate a hug with both Bri and I but I would always walk out of it quickly. It didn’t seem to bother me too much, especially his random side hugs, but I never wanted to risk it sending me spiraling. I never initiated hugging them until I hugged Atlas the other day in Gabriel’s house. I wasn’t planning to do it but I just felt like I needed to and at first my mind immediately went to my past, but then his arms tightened around me and something about it stopped me from spiraling. His smell, his warmth, the way he held me like he would protect me and never hurt me. It was… a weird feeling.

With Bri, I learned over time that her touch was given with love and never spite or anger. Every time I would flinch away from her, her face would fall and she’d usually walk away so I wouldn’t see her cry. Over time, it got easier with her. I know sudden movements from her still startle me, but how we are now doesn’t bother me like it used to.

I swipe at my cheek when I realize a few tears have fallen. I won’t tell them my fears. That I am terrified this is their out. Moving to live with Bri isn’t an actual option. I fucked up, and now I am stuck here.

I formed bonds with each of them. Bri, the aunt I never had. Linc, my calm anchor. Atlas, an asshole who reminds me just how strong I am. Ryan, the man who shows me endless patience and kindness.

What if I never see them again? This could all be fake, the loving words, the hugs, the reassurance. As much as my body and soul are craving to believe it and hold on to every word, I know I can’t. It’ll hurt me even worse when none of it is true. It wouldn’t be the first time someone lied to me, that someone told me one thing and did the complete opposite.

“I’ll walk you guys outside,” I say, looking over each of them. We head out the front doors and over to Atlas’s truck. I stand there as Ryan says goodbye and slips in the vehicle, then Atlas and Linc.

I look over at Bri, who has tears falling down her cheeks. She offers me a tiny smile. “I pray every day that I am doing what is best for you. I promise you, I will be back here in a week. Whether you decide to stay or come back with me, I will come back. You will not lose us. Do you hear me?”

I nod but don’t speak. I can’t; not with all these emotions swarming inside me, threatening to drown me. Bri sighs and squeezes my hand before climbing into the truck.

I stand there and watch them drive off.Get it together, Harley.

I wipe at my face and then take a deep breath as I turn around and head back towards the door. To no surprise, Gabriel is standing outside. “Scared I’m going to run off?” I snap as I walk straight past him.

“No. I have no doubt that if you wanted to, you would, and no one would stop you.”

I roll my eyes even though he can’t see.

Before I can say anything back, Gabriel is walking past me. “What’s going on?” he asks as he enters the main common room where all three of the boys are standing in front of the large windows.

Grayson is pale and looks like he might throw up at any moment. I stand frozen as I watch Ryker try to talk to him and get him to calm down as he hyperventilates.

Gabriel walks right up to them and grasps Grayson’s shoulders. “Gray, bud, take a breath with me? You need to breathe before you pass out.” His voice is soothing, calm, carrying. He cares about the boys and is acting almost like a dad to them.

Like Atlas and Linc have done for me before. Taking on a role that isn’t theirs because they…care.

I shake my head and remember how Grayson has helped me before. When I didn’t even know what a panic attack was, he helped me through it and explained it to me, and he has helped me since I’ve been here now, too. I get my feet moving and head straight for them. When I am close, Gabriel glances at me and drops his hands from Grayson’s shoulders, taking a step back.

I move in front of him and breathe deep, remembering that he has touched me multiple times, and it was okay. That me touching him too is okay.

I raise my now trembling hands and place them on his cheeks. Grayson isn’t as tall as some of the others, but he is still very tall compared to me, so I stand on my tiptoes and pull his face down slightly. His wide, frantic, terrified green eyes lock on mine.

“Breathe with me.” I murmur, trying to use the same soothing tone he has used on me. I inhale, he inhales, then we exhale. I smile at him. “Good, keep going with me.”

We keep breathing in sync, our eyes locked. The rest of the room ceases to exist as I help him through this. Minutes pass before his hands raise to rest on mine that are still holding his cheeks.

“Thank you,” he whispers.

I smile. “You taught me that,” I murmur back.

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