Page 72 of Healing Souls

“No one ever comes out here. You can tell us whatever you want,” Cayden says.

I glance around and realize that someone must use this area for something. I know by the surprised and curious looks on Ryker and Grayson’s faces that this isn’t their space.

“Right.”Fuck, how do I do this?“So, um, I just wanted to tell you guys a few things about what has happened and why I left Tammy’s.”

“You don’t have to tell us anything you don’t want to,” Grayson immediately assures me.

“Or you can tell us and let us help you carry the weight,” Ryker adds.

Grayson shoots him a glare, and I let out a small chuckle. Looking down at Grayson, I say, “Thank you, but I want to tell you. For some reason, I think I trust you guys, and I know that I can’t do this alone.”

“Do what alone?” Grayson’s asks with a tilt of his head.

My eyes seem to involuntarily snap to Cayden’s blue ones. “Seek revenge.”

His eyes glow with more gold than blue as he stares right back at me. The same look that has drawn me to him since I came here. The one filled with fire, that understands my need for revenge. That is willing to do anything to get it.

But most of all, his eyes hold respect. He’s looking at me like he respects me, and I can’t remember the last time someone looked at me that way, if ever.

“Tammy and Richard?” Ryker prompts, a wicked grin stretching across his face.

I nod. “To start with.” I move the conversation along because I don’t want to bring up my mom’s murder and figuring that out with them quite yet. “So, I want to tell you guys what I think I can handle bringing up.” Which is literally nothing. Even when I was thinking about it before we came out here, I had no idea what I was going to tell them. Every thought I have about Tammy seems to send me spiraling.

I’ve avoided talking about it. I’ve avoided thinking about it. Because when I do, I feel panic begin to rise. The fear that I will realize this has all just been a dream.

I haven’t fought my way out of hell. I haven’t found my strength and voice again. I am still the girl in the basement that cowers in the corner of the room on a dirty mattress waiting for the next hit. The next nasty word. The next lie.

A large hand grasps my knee, and terror consumes me. Richard’s hands on me. Tammy hitting me, grabbing me, dragging me, chaining me up. I jump off the log and gasp for breath, clutching at my chest.

Why does it feel like my chest is caving in?

“Come on, Harley, I need you to breathe for me.”

My head shakes back and forth violently as I squeeze my eyes shut. Memories drown me—no,Richarddrowns me.

Someone is shoving my head into the water.Remember to hold it, Harley. You can do this. Don’t panic. Take a big breath when they let you up.

“Harley!” Mother—no. Someone else yells. My eyes fly open and meet perfect green orbs. “Breathe, Harley. You’re holding your breath. You have to breathe. Come on.”

Realizing my vision is going blurry, my body begins to sway. I open my mouth and suck in air. My knees shake uncontrollably, and I start to lose my balance. The hard wall of muscle at my back catches me just as warm large arms wrap around me and lower me to the ground.

I bring my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them as someone sits behind me, bracketing me with their legs. Then Grayson sits directly in front of me, and Ryker is to my left on his knees leaning in close.

I lock eyes with Grayson and inhale. He nods and gives me a small smile. “Good, beautiful. Keep going, deep breaths.”

Grayson takes them with me, but they don’t seem to calm me as my body continues to shake. He reaches up and touches my arms that are crossed over my knees, rubbing up and down them. Ryker grasps my calf, his thumb rubbing in gentle circles. Then another pair of hands touches my waist from behind and gives it a light squeeze.

I lean back more on Cayden and shut my eyes, focusing completely on their hands that rest on me. Grayson’s the only one touching skin, but the rest of me aches to have skin-to-skin contact from the other two.

“The shaking stopped,” Ryker murmurs softly.

I slowly open my eyes and unwrap my arms from around my knees, watching how they are steady and not shaking anymore. My breathing has calmed, and my chest doesn’t feel so heavy now.

Knowing I need to now tell them something, I let the one thing that is at the front of my mind out. Hoping that their hands will keep me centered.

“They would try to drown me.” I take a shaky breath and look down, not wanting to meet anyone's eyes. “Richard would fill the sink and then shove my head in. I never knew for how long, and sometimes it felt like it lasted for hours as he would do it over and over again. Then as time went on, they would do… do other things while holding my head under the water.” Tears finally break through and run down my cheeks.

“Waterboarding,” Cayden rumbles against my back.

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